Independent Desi women - Sttaus & Marriage...

[Jack Handy]

Independent - self assured & confident desi woman have a hard time finding a man of equal standing who can meet their concerns & lifestyle....

SO why don they opt for a person of a different social & professional standing ...- who may fulfill all their other requirements....

you always see desi professional women - drs seeking drs/ engineers seeking engineers & drs , mbas seeking drs/engineers/ mbas , et c......

Desi men seem more egalitarian in ths regard . .. - rarely would u see a guy having professional restriction on his potential match but it is very common for ladies....

Goris dont have any such hangups ...- Many goris drs/engineers marry school teachers / cops etc etc.. but desi women are so hung up
in this regard ?? ??

[ghalib]

Some of the reasoning can be traced back to the other thread in this forum and you know which one!

I don;t think you can fully blame the girls for this. Parents are also the ones to blame. Folks that settled out here in the 60's and 70's were mostly doctors and engineers, i.e. from an educated echeolon of the society. Upon arriving and finding suitable jobs, they measured success with the amount of money they had acquired or how well integrated they were into the society. Second generation was never stressed on to learn urdu and their cultural and religious identities. Girls were brought up alongside the bankrupt culture of the west, i.e. everything was o.k. as long as it was not what was done in pakistan.

Now, the cows have come home! I hear so many stories of kids walking out on their parents or girls running away with their amreeki boyfreinds in the dark. Even in my own family, I see kids of my close family relatives valuing their parents as nothing more than a support until they can be on their own or move out. Their dream is to move out and have a place of their own, away from parents and their wisdom.

I have yet to see a surgeon, doctor or a highly paid professional women married to a mere soul who is either a cop, grocery store owner or anything which doesn;t require 50 thousand years of schooling.

This also exists because of our own disregard for personal respect for others. No matter how educated or "modern" and openminded a family claims it is, it will turn down a rishta from anybody who is not an engineer, doctor or a lawyer but rather an employee of Fedex, postal service, transit authority or other so-called non respectable jobs.

By the way, this is not to say that this is the case for everyone. Some immortals go against the taboos of the family and actually marry people whom they connect with emotionaly, not financially or educationally. I personally know a few.

[Jez]

Well, not having gone thru "50 million years of schooling" like doctors and lawyers, I would still want the man I marry to be of at least the same education level as I am. Call it being traditional or whatever. I really do NOT wanna be the sole or primary bread-winner in the family. That doesnt mean that the guy has to be rich in any regards...

Desi's do put a lot of importance in the level of education of the guy especially if their daughter is very well educated but I really cant blame them. They have worked hard to put their daughter thru school and she has worked extremely hard also. She has a right (as well as her parents)to expect to marry a person of higher educational level than the average chaprasi. That's just the way the social system works and will work for many many years to come...especially in our culture.

[Jack Handy]

Re: Jez

NOw this is what all I call double standards.... LOL


ABCD gals deride that parents of desi guys are always looking for oonchi lambhi - gori chand sa mukra bahu - they are so shallow ..... there is person behind the looks - whar abt intelligence & personality .....

Dont Parents of desi mundas have the right to find the right bahu - for the betterment of the genetic breeding ... ( yes it is a pun).



But when it comes to cultural idiosyncracies in which they have an advaatge - they jump back on the cultural bandwagon .......

aat bhi main paat bhi main ........

[ghalib]

I agreeeezz!

A marriage has a better chance of working if both members have same level of education. I personally wouldn;t want to marry a girl whose only gone through HS. But education doesn;t necesarily make the couple click. Infact, it sometimes creates tensions when one member feels that he/she is better equipped to deal with life because he/she was schooled longer than the counterpart.

Bottom line? Chemistry...chemistry...chemistry.. and a bit of physics won;t hurt either.

Jack:

yaar...chand sa mukhra magna koi burri baat to nahi!!

[This message has been edited by ghalib (edited March 29, 1999).]