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    What is best

    wait for ideal or marry with parents choiced.
    what is your openion please!



    #2
    If your marrying solely on the basis of your "parents choice" you are making a mistake. I advise against it. Wait for your ideal mate (if there is such a thing) and get your parents approval. If your parents are reasonable people, they'll accept your choice and be happy for you. Also, in "arranged marriages", often you *do* have a choice and can find someone at least close to your "ideal".

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      #3
      marrying with "parents choiced" you are NOT making a mistake AT ALL. Belive me, waiting for the Ideal in the early age (before 20) is kool but once you pass the 20, waiting for the ideal is completely wasting of time and money. I tell you from the experience.
      Take my advise and tell your parents what you are looking for in your solemate and I am sure your parents would listen to you. and as Actung mentioned, in arranged marriages, you always have choice and chances to say NO.
      Take care
      Saqib

      ------------------

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        #4
        Love Marriages Keep A Couple Young forever. When I see old couples who defied convention and married for love, I see a glimmer of youth in their eyes. Their chemistry is great and they can always look back at their youth and revive feelings of Romance.

        Stud

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          #5

          Muhammad Iím not sure if your asking should we settle someone who our parents like even though they may not fit into our ideal or marry whomever our parents say just because our parents say so. There is a difference between being inappropriately picky and irresponsibility. Irresponsibility in this case I mean for your own life and the way that you wish to live it.

          Personally, I prefer marrying someone who is close to your ideal and that your parents approve of. Ideal situation of course. Not everyone has the opportunity or the parents who are willing to accept your input (they have their own issues).

          I agree with Stud couples who have a certain chemistry together seem to be able to maintain the intimacy and attachment into old age, while others seem to wallow in their regrets---- creating animosity.

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            #6
            I wonder what happens to second generation immigrants, particularly girls. The idea of arranged marriage might be unfamiliar and may make them uncomfortable. Parents may not want them to marry with locals and thus they may not end up dating with people who are not from their country. Do they have successful arranged marriages? What is ur observation?

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              #7
              PG it varies, but the majority seem to have very prosperous arranged marriages. I haven't seen many which haven't worked out. I've seen more male second generation Pakistani's have their arranged marriages fail than second generation girls. Thats just my own personal observations.

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                #8
                achtung

                Are the failed marriages of the fob/abcd type or both abcd/abcd and fob/abcd?

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                  #9
                  KashmirGirl,

                  In my limited life experiences, I've seen a few failed marriages with ABCD (males) and FOB (females).

                  What seems to be the case is the ABCD male gets married, yet brings into the relationship some past baggage (ie past girlfriends etc) and also has limited say in the marriage to begin with and does so out of his parents wishes. In one case I know of the ABCD male resorted to spousal abuse, both through physical violence and verbal abuse. The relationship continued to deteriorate once the ABCD male began an affair and had a child with his lover.

                  This is a rare case, but I'm sure others have heard of similar cases. What I found surprising was that it was an ABCD male physically abusing a Pakistani girl. I think it surprised me, because out of my own biased views, I attribute such behavior to FOBS and not ABCDS.

                  By the way does anyone mind the use of the words FOB or ABCD. I don't at all, but if anyone does, I won't use them again here.

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                    #10
                    Very surprising Achtung...

                    Most of the Abcd guys rave about marriages with fob girls.

                    I assumed that they would be the more successful.

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                      #11
                      I think most couples are better off, those are just a few exceptions I mentioned.

                      I plan to marry a FOB girl myself. I love FOBS

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                        #12
                        Achtung

                        Laugh I'm glad you like your Fob girls...

                        Actually my point was not abcd vs fob.

                        I've heard that the muslim divorce rate in the us and canada is as high as 67%. I was interested to find a common thread in the reasons for divorce.

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                          #13
                          Thats the first time I've heard of figures for divorce among Muslims in Canada and the US. And its a surprisingly high number. I'm not sure what the reason could be. To be honest with you, I'm a bit skeptical of the number, thats higher than non-Muslim divorce rates. And I would think that pressures to stay in a marriage, despite having legitimate reasons for divorce, within the Muslim community would be high, regardless of geographical location. In general Muslim divorce rates would probably be alot more frequent if cultural and societal pressures and stigma's placed on divorced women did not exist. In terms of why divorce in Canada and the US is so high, your guess is as good as mine.

                          That number is frightening though when I think of myself getting married - I have a 67% chance at failing. Thats scary man.

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                            #14
                            Just wanted to point out the oft quoted divorce rate of Americans of 50% is way off so 67% sounds even more outrageous.

                            For example: If 4 million people marry and 2 million divorce this year, the divorce rate is *not* 50%. That percentage totally ignores the people married in previous years, yet counts all previous married peoples' divorces. I think I read in some almanac that the divorce rate was 11%. I don't recall exactly, so don't quote me.

                            ABCD marrying FOB of her own choice with parental 'ok',
                            Saira

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                              #15
                              i think you should wait for ideal. But you always can not find an ideal so may be some one close to your ideal.

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