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Virginity... 1st day after marriage...A questions!!!

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    Virginity... 1st day after marriage...A questions!!!

    Im not married yet. But this question bugs me at times. As most of Pakistanies endup getting arranged married, maybe I will too. Regardless, of what my Virgin status is I would want a virgin wife like most of us. (Although I am aware that non-virgins should not marry a virgin girl in islam). But, lets say on the night of the marriage u find out the girl isnt virgin. How should one go around it? Say Im still a virgin. (Pls refrain explicit language so we can have a meaningful discussion). Thanks

    #2
    Dear Mundyaa:
    Please do not take it personal and please do not think I am attacking on you but in my openion, if you feel that way, then DO NOT go for an arranged marriage. If you are going for an arranged marriage then, keep in mind that you are going to take that person in your life as it is. There is no way you could find out if your wife was virgin or not unless she tells you. All the sayings to test the virginity of some one have been proven wrong and I can give you the examples in the history books. So, please, do not try and belive any thing you find out in your way, only trust what your wife tells you. this way you would have a happy life.

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      #3
      mundya,
      I dont even understand the question. A person is much more than Being virgin or not.
      If that is an issue for you, donr go for arranged maariage.
      I think I will probably go into it , assuming that she had a life before she married me.and marry her for the person she is.virginity is not an issue, see if you can resoleve it for yourself that way.

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        #4
        The hymen should be the least important issue in a marriage - u marry an individual , aperson with dreams , aspirations & ambition
        - it not a piece of meat. I would personally prefer to marry somebody who has had no prior realtionships but it has more to do with the emotional baggage of failed relationships than the physical one. - but this preference is real low on my priority list - what really matters is how the other person makes u feel.
        and the physical part naturally follows.

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          #5
          1- Whether you are virgin or not, there is no way by which you can say with confidence that a girl you are marrying is virgin or not?

          2- When you accepted a lady as your wife then there is no need of this question at all because the marriage is based on confidence and believe and not on suspicions.

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            #6
            ...

            [This message has been edited by hmcq (edited February 28, 2000).]

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              #7
              mundyaa,
              Is'nt marriage supposed to be "for better or for worse.." So then why is it that you would feel threatened if you discovered on your wedding night, that, your wife was not a virgin. Don't you think it would be wise of you to get to know the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, before making such a big commitment. And if Godforbid, you do find yourself in that particular senario, don't make a big issue of it. What really matters is you are faithful to each other after the fact. Goodluck

              hmcq,
              contrary to your statement, in most cases it is quite possible to tell if a woman has lost her virginity.( The Hymen!!!!!!!) However it is true for males, apart from the fact that "doin-it" for the very first times, makes the bravest of men get cold feet, and their nervousness gives them away.

              [This message has been edited by blitz (edited February 25, 1999).]

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                #8
                Just one of the many issues in this discussion:

                "hmcq, contrary to your statement, in most cases it is quite possible to tell if a woman has lost her virginity.( The Hymen!!!!!!!)"

                Any doctors here??? The hymen can be lost or not give evidence of its presence for many reasons that are not a consequence of sexual relations.

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                  #9
                  I would agree with Jack Handy. Marriage is much more than just a physical relationship, and even for the physical part of it, virginity should not be the issue because you are marrying a person, not a lump of meat. Every person has a past and what happened in the past of your wife should not be your concern regarding this matter because you are marrying the person who she is, not what she was. Don't concern yourself with the past of your prospective wife because you cannot control it, but you sure are going to unnecessarily wory yourself over it. The virginity issue regarding women is purely a male chauvinistic one and grow out of it, we are not living in primitive, ignorant society anymore.

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                    #10
                    Shirin,
                    I am a doctor. You are quite right there are several ways a woman could lose her hymen e.g. horse-riding, ballet, bike-riding etc.
                    However there are several other ways of telling that a woman is a virgin or not. These include vaginal tags etc. I'm sure you don't want me to get even more graphic.
                    In my opinion, virginity is important especially in the east, but should not be the requirement for a successful relationship/marriage.


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                    Love and peace always!!!

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                      #11
                      Shirin,
                      apologies for my lack of knowlege on this issue, was just trying to make a point with hmcq.

                      whiz,
                      thanx for that wonderful "insight".........

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                        #12
                        Dear Whiz

                        I agree with you regarding loss of hymen but for the rest of tests these are, i think, purely clinical and not known to common people and that could only be beneficial when one takes his wife to the clinical laboratory for such tests???????????????????

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                          #13
                          ==

                          [This message has been edited by hmcq (edited February 28, 2000).]

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                            #14
                            Strictly virgins for me man, if not then send her back to were she come from.

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                              #15
                              i think the main argument is,

                              there is no way of telling if one is virgin or not. but, still no thoughts on what would u do if u found out for sure that one isnt a virgin, say she comes out and tells you that.

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