Calling out to inter-racial couples

[Dok W]

Hello people. I as the female half of the inter-racial couple thought I would take the initiative to bring in a new topic for comment. (My parents come from Pakistan by the way and my fiance's origins are scottish) I would like to ask first of all if there are any people out there who are themslves currently involved in an inter-racial relationship or know someone else who is.
(To keep things specific I am interested in asian/caucasian partnerships,apologies at my attempts to be politically correct).(a) How do the parents of both sides feel?(b) How do the religious attitudes of both parties come in to play? e.g did the couple convert to one religion, do they both maintian the practice of their own beliefs, or are is their conflict?(c) Are there mixed race children from the relationship and have there been any difficulties regarding their identities? Questions are welcome from other members of the forum in regards to our relationship (within reason of course!) ...

[Stud]

Well I have this thing For Cyndi Crawford. I have a poster of her in my room. The relationship is progressing very well. Though I regret to admit it has been one sided so far. Cyndi and I have not been formaly introduced, but I do intend to marry her. At this stage my family is ok with it. Because they always laugh when I tell them I want her as my wife. So things are looking pretty good here.

Stud

[zman]

Sounds like jungle fever Stud - hahaha. I'm sure the relationship is pretty satisfying -hehehe

Later on
Zman

[Achtung]

I think the answers to your questions could probably make up a good thesis paper Its difficult to come up with a concise answer. I think, in your head, you probably already know the answers to alot of these questions. Everyone's situation is different. In terms of parents you could have the extreme case of totally being ostrasized by your family. On the other hand they could reluctantly accept your relationship, it really depends on the mind-set of your parents. In terms of religion - again it depends on yourself and your partner. In Islam a Muslim women must marry a Muslim male. If he is non-Muslim he must convert. Depending on your own personal religious convictions this is something you may want to give considerable thought to. It will also have repercussions on the way the Muslim community views your relationship. If your partner fails to convert, you may be viewed by those around you - as living in sin. In terms of children, I do know many inter-racial Pakistanis'. The ones I know have Pakistani fathers and non-Pakistani mothers. They seem to identify with their Pakistani roots more so than their caucasion roots. They are confused and have difficulty coming to terms with their identities. They also are all Muslim, although not strong believers. When people label others ABCDs (American Born Confused Desis), I think being an inter-racial child, adds even more confusion.

I'm not sure that helps at all (probably not). My own personal advice is, and it sounds like a cliche - "go with your heart." You can make it work if you really try to. I have a friend, who is also female Pakistani, she is seeing a Scottish male, if you would like, I could provide her with your email, and she can help you with any specific questions - I'm sure she is going through alot of the same issues as you are

[Achtung]

Stud that made me laugh

I'm gonna send you a picture of Cindy Crawford, I think it will put a smile on your face.

[Achtung]

I think I should have mentioned that out of the 5 couples that I know, 3 are now divorced. Also, in all couples the women converted to Islam, yet retained some of her Christian practices. All three of the women who divorced returned to Christianity.

[Jack Handy]

Of the 6 gals in school that I knew who married goras, - the goras converted to Islam - 5 are now divorced most of the goras reverted back to whatever. BUt the one couple is still happily married although they are nominal muslims.

I come from a family where my own uncle is married to a Japanese, - she converted - happily married, another one of my dad's cousin married american - divorced, another married a french gal - she didnot convert - children agnostic, another one married Spainard - the children were brought up muslims by grandparents.

BUt in general having lived with an interracial couple ie uncle - during my college years, I can tell ya it is hard - and both parties have to make the extra substantial effort tobe happy - but when yo u are in love I guess it works out.

On a personal note I would strongly prefer to marry within Pakistanis primarily because of cultural & religious affinity.

[kashmirigirl]

I know several Muslim Pakistani girls married to non-dessi men. Most of the men have converted.

One of couples is very active in our Muslim community here. Both are members of the mosque trustee board, on various community outreach committees and political activist, they volunteered their medical expertise in Bosnia. The girls parents and the guy’s were initial very upset. They had their first child this year. So don’t know how that will be. However, the Pakistani family now rave about their wonderful son-in-law. T wedding was a Pakistani style shadi we had all their friends in family in shilwar kameez (guys to) dancing and doing all the rasams. Her father has terminal cancer and her husband and she have stayed most of the last 6 months at her parents home to be near him, different right?
I also know an older dessi male with Caucasian wife and one child. His wife converted and is also socially active, especially in the schools and in interfaith groups. I’m not sure about identity issues for the daughter. They do wear Pakistani clothing and socialize with many Pakistanis but that is not their only social group. I think the mother has taken a more multicultural but Islamic focus with the daughter. I think that helps many issues.
Now a different example. I was friends with a girl who I found out had run away from home. She was living with her Christian guy friend. Tony was a born again Christian and had no plans on converting. Her parents were very unhappy, aba was an imam, however the family situation was abusive anyway so I’m not sure if that’s a good case. I’m not sure If she ever resolved the fact she was living in sin with a non-Muslim guy who would never convert. So I guess it is a conflict if nothing else in her sense of self . I noticed the guilt and anger influenced other areas of her life. This seems to be a pervading theme of some Muslim girls marrying non-dessi guys. Guilt from disappointing parents as well as loss of cultural and community affiliation.

Hope this helps.