arranged marriages

[TOR19]

What is your opnion on arranged marriages?
If anyone has ever interviewed or knows a person who has had an arranged marriage please inform me, or please e-mail me your findings. Thanks

[PG]

You are doing a Ph.D. on arranged marriages or what?

[Shirin]

It might be better to define exactly what you mean by an arranged marriage. Are the parties allowed to meet before marriage? How often? Any other details?

[PG]

I think then one can subdivide arranged marriages as a1) Arranged after one meeting a2) Arranged after two meetings (most fall in this category) .... aN) arraged after N meetings. a2 being most common. If the guy's or girl's family does not want second meeting does not take place.

Meeting of guy and gal before marriage!!! What are u saying? No way!

[FurQan from Toronto]

hello TO19 ji,

well i did one interview, and the person told me that, when she was 18 years old in pakistan and she falled in love with some guy and when they guy was about to meet her parents, they rejected him becuase he was very poor and was studying doctor's. After 1 year she got married to a guy in canada and she moved there, and when her parents went there to see her, she had bruises on her faces and she was not very happy, her husband use to beat her, and she cries with face full of tears , thinking why her parents didint listen to her, and if they did she wouldve been happy living after.
THAS ONE REASON THAT GALS ARE SCARED OF ARRANGE MARRIAGES... IN MY OWN PERSONALY OPINION, THE IF THE PARENTS ARE mAKING THEIR DAUGHER GET ARRANGE MARRAIGE. THEN THEY SHOULD DO A COMPLETE CHECK ON UP THE GUY AND WHAT HE DOES AND WHATS HIS PERSONALITY IS LIKE, AND SHOULD ALSO GIVE THEIR DAUGHTERS OR SON'S TO MEET THE CHOOSEN PERSON ONCE IN PERSON TO SEE IF THEY ARE COMPATIBLE.. CUZ IF THEY ARE NOT... THEN YOURS PARENTS ARE NOT GONA BE THE ONES WHO ARE STUCK WITH DA SCREWED UP WIFE OR HUSBAND. ITS ALL ABOUT YOUR LIFE... YOUR PARENTS AINT GONA BE LIVING WITH YOUR HUBAND OR WIFE. THINK TWICE AND MAKE DA MOVE.. CUZ I SEEN 80% of arrange marriages screwed up or still going on with a major family problems.
Salaamz

[PG]

Basic rules for arranged marriage are a) Girls are supposed to marry money b) Guys are supposed to marry looks. Now guys can not know anything more than looks in one meeting and girls need not meet guy even once to know his money. Nothing else matters according to parents. Now in the old society, when survival was a problem and girls did not have jobs, they have to marry a guy who earns well. Girls who earn might be wondering why money is still a criterion and not say, looks of the guy or whatever. Actually, if people go for love marriage, they are criticized saying that they would have got a better 'deal' in arranged marriage. My uncle used to ask when someone told his marriage is fixed "So! Is the girl good looking or it is love marriage?" and if someone indeed gets a better 'deal', people pity the girl saying she is cheated. So in love marriage either a girl or guy is 'cheated' and arranged marriage market is place to get your right price.

Many times girls choose to forget their love affairs and marry into money claiming they are helpless before parents (and of course, guys cheat) But that is a different story.

[azhar]

There is nothing wrong with arranged marriages - unlike so called "love" marriages they on the whole seem to last longer. I know of people who have had arranged marriages (this includes myself) and their marriages have lasted - in some cases longer than the "love" marriages. The west has a view that arranged marriages are very Victorian and they would never work in this day and age - also some younger Asians view arranged marriages very negatively. Of course there are cases of arranged marriages not working out very well where the girl is treated badly by her husband and in-laws. All types of marriags go through highs and lows - in a "love" marriage if the two parties do not get along it is easy to say "thanks but I think I've had enough" and go their seperate ways but from the people I have known in arranged marriages the tendency is to try and work things out.

Do other people have other opinions/feelings?

It is worth noting that the Upper Classes here in the UK do on the whole still tend to go for arranged marriages (although they are not called that) - they try to marry in the same class - the only difference is that their courting of the other person takes longer whilst in an Asian arranged marriage at most you would only get a couple of meets before it is decided that the two should marry.

As a matter of fact I have known more Sikh arranged marriages to fail then Pakistani ones. Can anyone comment/explain this?

[PG]

This may have to do with the fact that Sikhs give more freedom to their women than Pakistanis.

[Azad]

Tor19
My marriage is an arranged one

[azhar]

PG

In the case of the Sikhs I know - its usually the case that the guys are more often than not drunk out of their heads and they go home and beat their wife or the other reason is that the in-laws are too demanding on the girl which in turn causes a rift between the couple.

[Achtung]

I can corrobarate Azhar's assessment of Sikh marriages. There are many case of spousal abuse in the Indian community, but it seems that the Sikh community have a greater tendency towards violence. Husbands are often alcoholic and do abuse their wives. There have been numerous cases in Canada where Sikhs have done so. Last summer there was a case where a husband threw his wife off of their apartment balcony, paralysing her, simply because she came home late from a party at her work (at Kentucky Fried Chicken).

Although I should mention that there are many Sikhs with great arranged marriages that are strong and seem to work fine.

[TOR19]

Thank you all for your input, it was appreciated. In case you're curious,I am not doing a Ph.D on Arranged marriages, I have to do a research paper on this topic for one of my classes. Thanks again.

[Stud]

Love Rocks. No matter how you find.

Stud.

[ak]

TOR19,

PH.D....cool...please make paper available to public...or at least Gup Shup friends