Love and Teens running away from home!

[The Watcher]

One of my friends is involved in this internet and traditional triangles. See, he was "arranged-engaged" by his parents and he willingly accepted that. Now he is in love with some girl who is in UK and also is older than he is. He is just gone nuts, when his father found out, his father has also gone very angry and is threatening to do things which can really ruin his life for ever. Friend is thinking of running away from home and girl is thinking of doing the same, they will meet up some where and get marry. I think, that is just wrong, and is not fair to either side. Running from home is really a bad thing, it leaves you helpless, like if you do not have any arms or legs!

Have any one of you faced with such situation, what was the result, please shed some light on this topic. Thanks, take it easy.

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*V~V~V*He came, He saw, He conquered*V~V~V*
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-_-_-_-Priest_-OF- _Painful Truth-_-_-_-

[This message has been edited by The Watcher (edited November 17, 2000).]

[sherrybaba]

daam this internet love is getting so common nowadays.. just look at the probability thousands of people are into chat thingy , now you can clearly depict the chances of internet love..
This is getting insane,how can a person be loyal to him/her in internet and why ? I dont understand .

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kutta ban gaya houn tairay pyar mein
sunnah chahti ho to sunoh
BHOW BHOW!!

[This message has been edited by sherrybaba (edited November 17, 2000).]

[Muzna]

I've got too much of a mental picture compiled. My mind refuses to believe that a personal friend of The Watcher would get involved in something like this.

Let's see if we can offer some good advice to help these people out.

C'mon folks.....out with the advice now.

[The Watcher]

..and muzna, what is wrong with watcher, why can't you picture that one of my friends would be in this kind of situation?

There is nothing wrong with net love. I think it will be perfectly normal in the near future, thing is teens are running away because of it and parents still end up knowing about it... too many topics in one post, love, inetnet-love, running away from home..etc.

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*V~V~V*He came, He saw, He conquered*V~V~V*
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-_-_-_-Priest_-OF- _Painful Truth-_-_-_-

[Sadiaa]

I've got a cyber bro u can say living in UK... he also got married through this net love thing... they both ran away n stuff.. n the gal's father pressed charges against him sayin taht he kidnapped his daughter n stuff.. but then later on they told the police bout in detail.. n yeh.. so ne ways got married n r livin happily... the gal turned 18 n he's 23 n studying !!! so yehh... everything's fine now !!!

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One falsehood spoils a thousand truths.
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Howzzaaaaaaaaat !!!

[Ahmed]

What if it happens on gupshup?

[Ahmed]

Oh and for advice?What can it possibly be?
The advice is that forget each other and follow your parents' advice.That's the 'good' advice.Now as for choices they oly have two.One mentioned above and the other is get married and take your chances,pay the price etc.Whatever they prefer out of these two.Anybody giving advice can only recommend one of these 2.There isn't a third.End of story.
Question is how can this sort of thing be prevented from happening for other young people?

[Daysee Behna]

*sigh* here goes yet another!

First of all Sherry baba... if thats what u have to say, then may I please be allowed to question ur signature at the bottom? What does that personifies? No offence.

Dear Watcher... for how long has ur friend been knowing this girl? Do they know each other completely? Have they met? Khair... as a friend ask him to consider weighing his cons and pros. Ask him the reasons why he's doing this? Tell his what backup plans has he considered when they run away, get married, what then? Are they going to live in a far far far away land away from all their parents and relatives? Do they think that perhaps if they lose their families now, just cuz they're young and can handle themselves fro the moment, does that really covers everything else for the future as well. Occassions will arise where they will certainly be in desparate need of their relatives, and their support. Suppose they split up after an yr or so, is there anywhere to turn to then? If perhaps they separate and the whole thing doesn't works out, and it was all just a mere spur of the moment, do they think their families will accept them back with open hearts? Wud it be worth to recieve all the frowns and the wrath of others that've raised them all their lives? Do they think they'll be strong enuf to handle all that after...if things do go wrong? Are they compeletly ready to take all the opposition from their relatives? And as u've mentioned the father has made certain threats, is ur freind ready to really live thru them if they do happen? Have they really considered that its worth all this trouble i.e. going for each other at the expense of losing so much? Have they really been together long enuf to actually know the downfalls and all other important aspects which serve as solid foundations for a married life? Are they 100% certain of each other's abilities and capacities? How much is there yet to learn about each other? Do they both think that they'll be keeping the commitment to each other thru out? Really have they considered all of the above and yet much much more? If yes, then give ur friend a big pat on the back and support him. If not... then tell him to wait perhaps more, and to think of a way how he'll first compensate for the loss that his fiancée will be suffering. Tell him to first have a good explaination for her, if he's about to go after this other girl that he's so sure of right now. And what made him agree to his parents at that time when later on he was going to get involved in this other relation?

Okay this is off topic, but it really bothers me, when two ppl commit theirselves to each other, and keep going on, untill one day either one of them realizes that Oh guess what! We're not suited for each other! Why didn't they think of that right in the start, where they had some thing at the back of their mind or heart, that there will be someone else. Its like has the world totally forgotten words such as *commitment* and being *persistent* I come across so many ppl that wud tell u that are divorced or their engagements were called off. Its so depressing sometimes. Anyway...back to the topic...

Ask ur friend to reconsider everything and to wait perhaps a few more months before jumping off the cliff! For if he takes off now, ask him what will he be regretting ... and how will he be dealing with that? I know it'll be kind of hard to get him to agree or abide by any or the sane rules, however, atleast it'll be worth the effort as a loyal friend And ask him that perhaps he might be living in a self delusion world, and its not love at all. What happens if one day he wakes up from it all crumbles down to bits and pieces? How will he put it back again? And tell him not so say No it won't happen. For if this can happen, anything can happen right? The chances of all absurd odds taking place are many these days. So tell him to really give it a thot. If he's got it all figure out then well give him a big contrats...and wish him good luck.

However if nothing seems to be working and they've both got their minds made, hearts set. Then suggest him the least he can do is to hold on firmly to his ground. And have a proper wedding, and not to give in untill the parents agree. That way it might eliminated some degrees of over all complexities and save some of their reputation. I mean if u gotta do it, then don't do it as cowards wud. Why run away now, whats the fear? If they're running away just cuz no one is agreeing to their decision, what are the chances of coping with other problems in life that may arise in a sane way? Are they going to run away there as well? One can't just play hide and seek all life long. I mean c'mon whats the point, when one plays in fear? really I mean?

Ok, hope no offence was taken by what I've written here Watcher. Please don't! Just some realistic thots that came to mind, might sound bitter, but if they go thru this now, and can cope with it, then thats all good.

Adios!
DB

[This message has been edited by Daysee Behna (edited November 18, 2000).]

[sherrybaba]

just a stupid shair which I happen to like it
your query was what it personifies?..
well I'm kutta thas you wanted to hear,ab khush...?
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kutta ban gaya houn tairay pyar mein
sunnah chahti ho to sunoh
BHOW BHOW!!

[This message has been edited by sherrybaba (edited November 18, 2000).]

[Shirin]

This "problem" isn't new, it's just taken a different form!!! Internet widens our horizons but as I you hear so frequently, "it also has no values". The values have to come from us, the people who use the internet, who write the words, who have the feelings...

I often feel when something like this happens, it could easily have been something "waiting to happen", given the right excuse. and parents have to be smart and understand how to manage it all. Threatening an adult child the same way you would threaten a baby (not advised, though!) won't work; parents need to forget about what the others will say and concentrate on listening to their son/daughter and help them figure out things calmly. Kids usually will listen to reason, when other treatment might make them more stubborn. And... what if the arangement wasn't such a good idea anyway??? Engagements are broken off for many reasons, it happens all the time!

[Mem Sahib]

Well Said Shirin http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/ok.gif http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/ok.gif

and Watcher if your friends really mean that much to each other, if they are really in love then tell them to stand their ground and fight for their love, make the parents agree, it's hard - but then again are you gonna run away from all the hard things in life ?????

MS
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/devil.gif


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~*~* Gizzy Ki Jaano.. *~*~

[Hum Sa Ho To Samne Aaye]

Shirin , that was very nicely put indeed.

Running away is no solution. If the guy and the girl have their minds made, they should stick to their decision and convince their parents. Eventually the parents will give in. It'll take time, but it'll be worth the effort. Like it goes: where there's a will, there's a way. But escaping is no way. Sticking to your decision is.

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Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing all my life!

[Muzna]

I didn't even slightly suggest that there is something "wrong" with you Watcher. Misinterpretation on your part dear.

And I classified my statement by clearly saying that it's a mental picture that I've got. Don't take it so hard...could be entirely irrelevant.

Carry on my friend......

[The Watcher]

DB and others thanks for such broad posts.

DB, you asked too many questions, I'll just summerize the info which I have about this situation.

See, he was enaged as traditional way in Pakistan, in family. I know, breaking-of of enagement comes to mind, but this engagment cannot be broken, if it does that the whole khadan falls apart and dushmanis takes its toll. [do you understand what im talking about?]

Now, either he keeps the engagment, which he willingly accepted and gave his words for in front of all the family members. Or he takes the wrong way and ruins the both sides. They met 6+ on net I think, and well things happened very quickly. I don't think they know each other "completely," how can you know a person in just few months.

Muzna, actually I should have mentioned, that he is brother of one of my close friends. Anyway, misunderstanding is on my side indeed...take it easy!



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*V~V~V*He came, He saw, He conquered*V~V~V*
______________
-_-_-_-Priest_-OF- _Painful Truth-_-_-_-