Married women should ....

[Bhola]

I just wanted to talk about something that's been bugging over the years that I have lived in Toronto. I dont like the fact that Mothers here in the western world leave their little kids, even new born in day cares all day and dont give them the time and motherhood that they require at the early age of their lives.
I am not against Women working but I personally think that once they have kids they should stop working till the kids are atleast 6 or 7 years old and start going to school. I mean Mother is an essential part of the child up bringing and i think that no one else can do that part, not even a Father. Father has his own responsibilities but Mother is still a mother and the kid needs her to be there all the time.

[arzoo]

couldnt agree with u more.

[Muzna]

I'm definitely in agreement here.

[Bhola]

I am really surprised so far that girls agree here, it's good to know that, but My question to you two will be that When you do decide to have kids, will you quit your jobs?

[Cinderella]

I agree with u,it is a responsibility of a mother to fulfill all emotional as well as physical needs of thier children under age of 7,a young infant needs too much of love & attention to feel secure and to develop a good relationship with his parents by thier respones to his needs.Mothers should provide the enviroment for each child to grow and develop to his full potential,by being there all time.Despite all the pressures mothers are still the one who is responsible and the one best able to solve day-to-day problems of thier infants.
I've heard of many cases in which small babies,especially under the age of one year were mistreated by baby sitters causing death.It is not necessary that all girls think the same way as I do,but still I think I'm not wrong.

[farouq_taj]

Certainly leaving very young babies in day care is likely to affect the relationship between mother and child.

I’ll speculate that the majority of mothers cannot afford private childcare for their children at least on a full time basis. The situation may be different over in Canada but here in the UK free childcare is generally not available until the child is four. Even then it is only for roughly 2.5 hrs a day. Full time schooling starts at the age of 5 but even then only until 3.30pm.

Women who place their young babies in childcare are often in high paid careers which the majority of women are not fortunate enough to be in. I think there is a certain degree of hype surrounding day care.

For most women a full time job is out of the question. One issue not mentioned is what do you do at home with your child ? Staying at home for many women can be a lonely experience. Being stuck at home with a baby all day week after week month after month can cause it’s own emotional problems such as depression. A part time job gives the mother a break in her routine and an opportunity to socialise. It also helps the child to develop interpersonal relationships.

Those who advocate women staying at home are often thinking within the context of an extended family structure. Where relatives are coming and going and the mother does not feel isolated. For an increasing number of mothers living in the West this is not the case.

Farouq Taj.

[Bhola]

Very well spoken Cinderalla and Farouq.
As for what Farouq said about mother being lonely at home well i think this is where the father comes in. I mean if she is staying home all day with the kids then the father should be the one giving her a break when he is home. But most desi men do don't do taht because they think that it's a mother's responsibility to take care of the kid and their job is just to bring the money into the house. I have seen that in Gorre people the fathers give their kids a lot of time and that is one reason kids are a lot more closer to their dads in gorra families than in our desi families where dad is like the boss or something.

[Muzna]

Would I quit my job to raise my family? In a heart-beat. No career is worth more than my loved ones.

Farouq -- Good point. Loneliness and boredom would be serious concerns, especially for women that forfeit a busy career/social life to stay home with a baby/child. There are numerous activities though that would help with this problem. Mother/Child development community programs, exercise groups, etc. geared to assist with just this type of concern.

Bhola's message regarding fathers of south asian origin is also valid but on the change in today's generation of young parents. I know of several couples that co-operate and have equal hand in the care of the family.

[Shirin]

I agree with you 100% but, when you take into consideration al the factors you can understand why this happens.
It's a hard one, this.
I have no doubt in my mind that there are certain ideal conditions to raise a child in.
- Parents who love and respect each other
- A clear set of priorities shared by them both, in which people come before things
- A minimum amount of financial security
- Social and/or emotional support
Not many of us have that much us luck!
Let me tell you about me. I decided to stay home and look after my three sons. Both my husband and I share this idea. BUT
- I spend much of my time alone in a foreign country (now I have friends but it has taken a lot of time)
- people are always telling me what a waste my Master's degree has been, "just to stay at home"
- my children want all kinds of things that we don't have and can't afford... the oldest even asked me what I was staying at home for, when I could earn money (now he understands, but it took time)
- you have to really look for intellectual stimulation, and do your best to participate in world out there. However lovely your kids are they can drive you batty after a while

Also, not all men are as supportive and appreciative as my husband. I know women who look for jobs as a security, in case their marriage should fail. All of us know of women who are abandoned with their children. Women who put up with inhuman conditions so that they can raise their children with a minimum of financial security.

Yes, it's an ideal I'd look for myself, staying at home with the kids. And not only until they are 6 or 7, but much more, because in my opinion the teen years are the most difficult ones, when these young people need an understanding ear when they come home from school.

I think that most women, whatever they feel before their child is born, fall in love with it when it is put into their arms. Few women their children willingly and go out to work. Mostly, it's because they feel they have to. If the world becomes a better place it will be when human beings come first.

But I know it's not always easy to do.

[Said]

Right on!!

[Bhola]

Shirin very nice of you to share all this with us, I am happy that I brought up this subject after reading what you had to say. I think we young people can learn something from it.

[Rida]

Like arzoo said, can't agree with you more. Its really a shame when you see a mother pluck a 2 month infant in a baby-sitter or day care persons arm and go off to work and the out come is pretty obvious for the kids here in the west. They don't respect and care about their parents that much and can't wait to leave the house when they are 18. Although there are complications like Shirin listed and then there is the fact that maybe the both the parents need to work to keep their financial position stable.

[Mona]

i was raised here most of my life. and both my parents worked. but my mom worked in a college as a teacher, so she was always home when we were home. i think she did a wonderful job raising us (i know-khudhi apni tarreef ker rahin hoe(n)). i love my mom for sacrificing her love for being a university principle to be with us.

[Sarfraz]

Guys take it easy, you are so concerned about this subject. Bholay annan noo samjha.

[MR ALOO]

Bhola sahib,
AAP BOHT BHOLAY HAI.


[This message has been edited by MR ALOO (edited 08-24-98).]