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    Mandi ?

    I have just finished this Book 'SOLD' by Zena Mohsen
    for those who havent yet had the chance to read it here is a summary
    Its bout two sisters Zena and Nadia who were sold in marriage by their father to the son of his two friends who he himself had never seen. The deal was done without the mother even knowing a thing
    The two girls along with the rest of the family were told they were going on a vacation to Yemen and the reality struck them when on reaching yemen they were told they were married and never ever going back
    Their personal belongings such as photos of their family were snatched from them and they were forced to live with their 'husbands'

    My reaction in one word is Shocked

    I am numb ....how can someone steal from a mother her children
    how can someone sell his own children and then forget bout them

    I am not angry i am just numb
    Why do we have this leak in the System
    I felt the helplessness of these girls and the despair their mother felt

    Is this practice common among pakistanis too?
    and if so why are girls seen as potential objects for selling and buying?

    When i started the book i thought it would be something like Betty Mehmood's book Not without my Daughter but ......
    i am just numb

    #2
    Anchal,

    Those girls I think were British, cant remember, but when it happened it was all over the news.

    As for your question why??

    Well girls to some people in our culture and many other eastern cultures are seen as bad omens therefore the quicker you get rid of them the better..and hey if you get money for them well thats more than you bargained for!!..basically you are just as worthless as a piece of..umm,i wont say, but boy am i flamin happy that i was born into the family I was, we just dont know how lucky we are sometimes.

    Comment


      #3
      I think the guy was married to an English woman. He probably thought under her influence they'll end up being slappers so they're better off being disposed of in Yemen. Lot's of guys who arrive from Pakistan think along similar lines.

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        #4
        Actually Xtreme the woman he married was not only devoted to him alone but supplied him with shelter and worked her ass off to bring money in the house

        Would you call that a slapper ?

        And pardon my ignorance are these men simple idiots that they marry these White women have kids and then one day wake up and realize that they have been idiots ?


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          #5
          Anchal,

          >>>Would you call that a slapper ?

          I'm just trying to work out how that guy is thinking. Why else would he send his girls to live in some village in Yemen?

          >>>And pardon my ignorance are these men simple idiots that they marry these White women have kids and then one day wake up and realize that they have been idiots ?

          Yeah, in most cases they are.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Mr Xtreme:
            [B]Anchal,

            >>>Would you call that a slapper ?

            I'm just trying to work out how that guy is thinking. Why else would he send his girls to live in some village in Yemen?

            [B]
            Because Mr Extreme he was a hypocrite with double standards.

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              #7
              Look I just want to get inside the minds of these men
              What makes them flip that they are eager to sell their children to strangers
              What makes a parent do that

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                #8
                "Are these men idiots....."

                My first reaction was to say, "Yes". But then I stopped myself remembering a conversaton I once had with a psychiatrist that specializes in inter-racial marriages....he had explained to me that specifically these men are not entirely in touch with the reality that they will face in their middle to old age.

                These men don't realize that there will come a time when they will have had their "fill of adventure", "rebellion" and will want to exercise a "return to roots" practice. They are short-sighted in their decision making process, hence end up paying the price in the end.


                Disclaimer for hmcq: Now before anyone jumps down my throat for suggesting that "all" are like this, let me clarify that it's a reflection of a "group".

                Comment


                  #9
                  Muzna if they do want to return to their roots then shouldnt they themselves return to their roots

                  Why play with the lives of their kids
                  destroy their happiness, their hopes and dreams, take away their rights and literally killing them emotionally and psychologically?

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Aanchal,

                    I didn't say it was right or that they had enough sense now did I?

                    Consider it this way....after 20 years of so-called "successful marriage" with someone from another culture.....a breakdown would be the highest form of insult, wouldn't it? Can you imagine a desi villager living with that kind of shame?

                    Remember that all the skeletons in his closet are still hidden.....after the breakdown all this would have to come out....i.e. the fact that he never was happy...didn't have the kind of food he liked....didn't have the social status that is so valued.....

                    I must add that I haven't read the book so I may be misplacing characters here...but I'm writing just to give a general idea...no specifics.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      >>>These men don't realize that there will come a time when they will have had their "fill of adventure", "rebellion" and will want to exercise a "return to roots" practice. They are short-sighted in their decision making process, hence end up paying the price in the end.


                      This pretty much sums up my reaction to it. Should we call them "idiots" for not being aware of the conflicts which will arise some 15 or 20 years down the road?? I don't think so. They made their decisions based on the preconcieved glamor and "adventure" of marrying outside their culture and granted that it was an ill-informed decision, but it was still based on a lack of understanding of themselves and their culture.

                      p.s. Watch the movie "East is East." This movie sums up a good deal about problems of inter-racial marriages in England..

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Bravo !!!!!

                        Marriage is not a game
                        bringing kids into the world is not a time pass

                        You make a decision you stick with it
                        Noone force these men into marrying outside their culture

                        This is not a career thing
                        Hey I suddenly realize i am not happy with my job i am going to change my career

                        No way!!!
                        Having kids is not in anyway glamourous or an 'adventure'

                        I wonder how a parent thinks
                        Hey ok i had kids it was glamourous !!!!
                        they were cute and all but now after fifteen years i have realized that its not an adventure anymore
                        lets just dump them someplace and bond with my roots ?

                        What kinda root does a person have? A sick one?

                        PS. A movie in on way can convey the hurt and angiush of the real life drama these people went through ...its just an act by people who will take their share of the money and go home happy

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Anchal, nice topic – I don’t think that anyone will justify such acts. By the way, some of your questions need independent discussions, interracial marriage is one topic and selling your kids for whatever reason is another serious issue. I’m referring this statement : >> Look I just want to get inside the minds of these men
                          What makes them flip that they are eager to sell their children to strangers What makes a parent do that << Hopefully you’ll start another thread to discuss that.

                          Now about returning to roots – as Xtreme and others said, some ppl when they came to west married ‘randomly’, and among many different reason to do that was to get citizenship. But the reason is not that important, our men (generally speaking) don’t respect western women for reasons that we already know, now I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with their views. So as Muzna said: << These men don't realize that there will come a time when they will have had their "fill of adventure", "rebellion" and will want to exercise a "return to roots" practice. They are short-sighted in their decision making process, hence end up paying the price in the end. >>

                          So when That Time comes, what’s the best way to return, improve your relations and maintain the ‘new’ bond? If you can re-marry then that’ll bind you, else use your kids, easy. You tell your ‘roots’ what a miserable life you have been living, you’ve realized that you’ve made a mistake and now you want their ‘help’ to save you and your kids. You portray your self as a victim, and you get help, simple game. What makes them do such things, selfishness perhaps? Or maybe they believe in their stories, you can convince your self that you’re being used. I know of one such story, and in a few years I’ll see few more, if thing doesn’t change dramatically – none of the involved ppl really realize their mistakes, and even if they do – they’ll tell them selves that no ‘decent’ desi wants to marry a half gori/gora. For which I’m not sure that we can blame our Pakistani or desi ppl – as they usually see what we show them.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            hey anchal i have read that book
                            those people were from yemen but the mother, and daughters were born in birmingham but sent to yemen when they were 14 or 15 or something.
                            i dont know if it is common in pakistani's but i dont think so ..
                            it is very common in yemeni's..
                            but i think one daufghter came back to england while one is still there
                            sad though
                            i cant even believe that these people are human
                            I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by

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