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Become a member of P.A.Y.N.D.O.O.

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    Become a member of P.A.Y.N.D.O.O.

    This is meant to be funny. If you don't find it funny, that's okay. If this offends anyone, I apologize in advance.

    By Shahid Mahmood
    HUMOR: Payndoo

    Dear Brothers and Sisters (and Others) Assalam `o' Alaikum,

    After an outrageous demand from the general public, the management of PAYNDOO has decided to accept a very limited number of new members. Therefore I, as a spokesman for PAYNDOO, hereby invite the applications for new membership. Please read the constitution carefully and feel free to apply if you think you are eligible.


    The Management


    THE NAME: The name of this organization shall be: "Pakistani American Youth Not Disguising Our Origin" (P.A.Y.N.D.O.O.)

    THE EXECUTIVE BOARD AND OTHER OFFICE BEARERS: The president shall be called: "Chief Hierarchical Officer With Designated
    Authority for Remaining Years" (C.H.O.W.D.H.A.R.Y)
    The appointments of vice-president and the general secretary shall be on the disposal of the C.H.O.W.D.H.A.R.Y. The vice-president
    shall be called: "Chief's Appointed Information and Liaison Associate" (C.H.A.I.L.A.)

    The general Secretary shall be known as: "Chief's Appointed Managing Coordinator and Helping Associate" (C.H.A.M.C.H.A.)
    In order to work with other departments of the states, the Treasurer needs special skills specific to this country. The office
    bearer for this post is therefore required to be an American citizen. This officer shall be known as: "Key Holder And Treasury Retaining Yankee" (K.H.A.T.R.Y.)

    The department of social services will be supervised only by a female member as they have been found to be good at that. There will be a special institute supervised by a specially designated member of this gender. The name for that officer shall be: "Member Appointed At Social Service Institute" (M.A.A.S.S.I)

    In case of a rare event, a M.A.S.S.I. who is emotionally inspired by the C.H.O.W.D.H.A.R.Y, shall be awarded the designation of: "Women Officer Having Temporary Insanity" (W.O.H.T.I)
    It is important to note that once the post for W.O.H.T.I. has been filled by an appropriate candidate, no further applications will be accepted for the same. Any application sent for this post thereafter may only be considered for the: "Board of Environment, Health and Nutrition" (B.E.H.N)
    A member who sacrifices his old membership from the ABCD club shall be appointed as the head of our Travel department and be given a
    special title of: "Local and Overseas Travel Agent" (L.O.T.A.)

    - Applicant should belong to a Village. Exception will be made for those who live in the cities with names containing the word
    "Pind", e.g. Rawalpindi.
    - Candidates who cannot speach rong aenglish nead not to appli.
    - Candidates with British accent will be automatically disqualified.
    - Candidates with American accent may apply if they demonstrate the ability to utter the following phrase at least 60 times a minute:

    "Kachchay pA-peR pakkay pA-peR"

    GENERAL RULES: All applicants agree to abide by the following rules:

    - "Hospital" shall be pronounced as "IsptAl"
    - "School" shall be pronounced as "Askool". If used in the sentence such as "Going to...", it shall take the form of "...Askoolay"

    - The C.H.O.W.D.H.A.R.Y. reserves the right to amend any or all rules any time without any notice.

    GENERAL MEETINGS: The C.H.O.W.D.H.A.R.Y, after consulting the E-Board, shall decide the date and venue of the general meetings.
    All members are required to attend these meetings. Following are the regulations regarding the general meetings:

    - You will be required to dress in the official attire of PAYNDOO, which would be the "Dress Handed Over To You" (D.H.O.T.Y)

    - If you have any complaints about a C.H.A.I.L.A, C.H.A.M.C.H.A., K.H.A.T.R.Y. or M.A.A.S.S.I, you should file a formal complaint to the C.H.O.W.D.H.A.R.Y on a special form called: "Plans to Hold Actions to Deprive the Designated Associates" (P.H.A.D.D.A)

    - Any false complaints shall be seriously treated under the department of:
    "Proposals Attaining Negative Grounds for Actions" (P.A.N.G.A) For further information, watch the PAYNDOO Productions' movie
    "Sheeda in Trouble". The movie was released in 1983, distributed by 50/50 and was filmed in PTV studios. Main actors were "Sheeda" and "Rehmtay."

    I hereby agree to the terms and conditions of the membership.

    Signature: __________________

    Date: _____________

    I thank you very much on behalf of PAYNDOO. Good luck with your membership!

    - Shahid, the Honest Electrical Engineer Deprived of Ambitions (S.H.E.E.D.A)