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How to say 'I am sorry' ...

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    How to say 'I am sorry' ...

    sorry. Its such a small word. A family friend's wife died in Saudi Arabia and Dad called me and said I should do the 'afsoos' thing.

    What should I do? Call them and say 'look, I am sorry your wife passed away' ? Sometimes words are so cheap and meaningless when one has to convey real emotions.

    Azkar Choudhry

    ps: least I could do is ask you all to pray for her maghfarat.

    Ina lillah hay wa inna ilay-hay rajai'oon.


    These moments come in everyones life ........ usually the other person needs few words to hear which just make him think that u cared about him/her in his/her bad time. I think ringing will be a good option, or send him a condolence letter.


      Originally posted by Najim:
      These moments come in everyones life ........ usually the other person needs few words to hear which just make him think that u cared about him/her in his/her bad time.
      Exactly. At such times people feel very alone, and its very hard for them. But just showing that you cared goes a long way, though it might seem inadequate to you believe me it helps.

      [This message has been edited by Girl from Quraysh (edited May 24, 2000).]


        Instead of planning ahead, just relax and call and see where the conversation takes you. Maybe you can discuss especially the good things you remember about his wife. You shouldn't worry about making him feel worse, because I'm sure he feels very bad already. I have heard from people who's son died that they feel bad because everyone avoids talking to them about it, although it is on their minds all the time.


          Always the hardest part indeed.
          However, talking about some memories from the time when his wife was alive can always help cheer up. Or try diverting attention by offering to do chores...cause saying youre sorry, for him, would be very monotonous...cause he probably has heard the phrase im sorry from just about everyone whos met him since his wife died. So for u do something practical that would actually help him and relieve some pressure off of him would be better.


            Here a standard format for you: fill in the appropriate blanks:

            I was so saddened to hear about the passing (dont use the term Death) of (x). I pray to (X) that almighty gives you courage to deal with this big tragedy, and give (X) a place in Janatul-firdus. I dont know what else to say except that I am thinking about you on this sad moment. Please remember me in your prayers.

            After a brief phone call, send a nice letter (not too long) expressing your sorrow. Good luck.


              yea make the fone call brief...and then send him a sympathy card.....


                Go ahead with the phone call, at least that will make your friend feel better about the fact that there are others standing next to him in time of such heart ripping grief. Later on send a condolence note as well.


                  mujhay pata hay sab say mushkil time yay hi houta hay HUSBAND logo k leay kisi ka afsos kerna,or meayoo pahlay hi paka ker k gher say chaltay hain tum nay start kerna hay mujhay kuch nahi pata werna main nahi ja raha

                  khair ake adh baar meayoo ko phir main nay samjhaya k phone hi ker lain or pahlay haal ahwaal pooch lain phir line say line milla ker kah dain ap apna kheayl rakhain Allah ko yay hi manzoor tha un ki jagha bilshubha koee nahi lay sakta.Azkar bhaee shayed apko idea mill gia hou jou main kahna chah rahi hoo.


                    Don't think, just do it and let ur heart speak. If you do not feel to call DON'T.

                    The more you'll think about it the harder it gets to call.

                    About the letter ; if you ask me, don't send the letter. It s not personal.



                      Here is what i did, seemed the best thing.
                      I called my friend whose mother had passed away. and i said something aling the following lines,

                      " There is nothing i can say which can make you feel remotely better, and i can not say i know how you feel, because i dont. All i can say is, buddy you are in pain, a level of pain unimaginable for me, but i want to tell you that now more than ever, I am here for you, to talk if it helps, about the good times, or about the healing that you will go through. anything i can do ... "

                      at a later time this friend of mine told me that my words were the only that gave him strength. Dunno if that was a fact.
                      Maybe a similar approach can work for you..

                      [This message has been edited by Uncle Sargam (edited May 25, 2000).]


                        Azkar sahib...i would have said sorry to hear about the death in the is god wish..allah ka pass sa aiya tha,and gone back to allah..allah ke jo marzi..just pray for the departed soul ka allah un ko janat nasib kara..i will go with it...i dont know what else to suggest...

                        dil..dilsee..dil to akhir dil hai na...


                        azkar sahib PATHWARI and UNCLE SARGAM ka jo face selection hai aisa lagta hai they are related to each other....just kidding bhai dont get naraz...

                        [This message has been edited by dilse (edited May 25, 2000).]


                          Dilse Yaar,
                          in a way, we are related.
                          You think about that.


                            Well, in my case it depends who the person is to whom I am going to sympathize. If it's a close friend then I spend days and nights with him until he settles down a bit.

                            If it's a social acquaintance that I find using sympathies cards to be very appropriate. The reason is that yes, I do feel sorry as a human being, but at the same time the deceased person is not personally known to me. So I won't be as much sorry as how conventially people present themselves to be on such occasions.

                            I know it's a kinda white lie to express your deep grienf 'n all and one has to go by certain expected norms sometimes, but somehow I feel uncomfortable telling it myself. So I use those sympathy cards... they are not too overwhelming neither are they insensitive.



                              ◦◦◦ ЯQξξ ﺐﻳﻗﺭ ◦◦◦

                              [This message has been edited by rqb* (edited July 05, 2000).]