Etiquettes for Grief

[BoSS]

Do we really know what they are? I came across an article written by a woman whose husband died nine months after her marriage. She wrote how people told her what she needed to do ....how people came and expressed sympathy by reminding her of her loss...how the cards would read with words like...'words can't express...' followed by a paragraph full of words and so on...
The giving and receiving of solace are the most deeply human of activities....but do we know how?

ciao,
BoSS

[kohal]

are we talking about the pakistani etiquettes for grief or of the caucasians?????

[outlaw]

I don't understand that why there has to be etiquattes for grieving.. sounds so superficial.

[NaikLarki]

i donno whether there r any or there shud be any....
when my mom died all i wanted from ppl was to leave me alone...i wanted to tell them...don't say a single word ppl...coz u have no idea how it feels...

and i usually assume that ppl want samething from me...??do they???

[NYAhmadiX]

Naikbibi, I for one feel exactly the way you do. No one can feel what you feel after loosing someone so close as Mom or Dad.

People should respect the personal pain and let the grieving process take its course. There is no right or wrong, short or lengthy process, it depends on the individual.

I lost many closed loved ones many many years ago, and every now and again, the wound feels as fresh as it did then. Other times, it is not even a thought.

[ghalib]

Everyone has a different way of coping with a loss. Some like to be in the midst of company to dull the pain while others like to be left alone.

I think the burden of knowldge is on us when we offer condolences to find out exactly what will work best for the grieving individual(s). If they want to be left alone, then lets leave them alone.

[BoSS]

Kohal, I'd appreciate Pakistani etiquettes..if there are any. whz up with the daigs & all other dishes at a funeral
Outlaw, yup it sounds superficial but not everybody at a funeral is crying their eyes out...everybody is kinda playing their role.
Naiko & Ahmedi sahib, I agree people should be more conscious about their behaviour while expressing sympathy...in some cases khamoshi is the best thing one can do.
Ghalib, Waaz ap! watching the game? having a bud? (see this line looks out of place )

ciao,
BoSS

[Shirin]

Good topic. So few of us know how to face a situation like this until we are in it.
Having been in this type of situation where well meaning people kept saying the wrong things, (I think many people are embarrased or afraid when it comes to death) plus others avoided me because they didn't know what they could do, (and I felt as though I had an infectious disease!) I'd say, show the person you are there if they need you. If they choose to speak, listen without comment and without judgement and if they don't wan't to speak then respect that wish also. A hug, "I'm sorry" "I am praying for you" "If you need me let me know" are all small and non-invasive ways of letting teh person know you care. At times of difficulty a person who will give you a hand with the house and children, takes you out and helps you relax is worth a million words. And I don't think that is culturally sensitive - it's just human.

[This message has been edited by Shirin (edited May 24, 2000).]