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    Are Parents Right?

    DEAR FREINDS as a young British Pakistani Muslim I am always thinking that if our parents are right in deciding our future?
    What I exactly mean by this is that like me hundereds of other muslims brothers and sisters are taken back to Pakistan and MADE to get married to a person with totaly different culture, upbringing and views. At the time parents do not realise what are they doing but when the marraige does not work out then they blame their sons or daughters.

    [This message has been edited by a1maxy (edited April 23, 2000).]

    #2
    Well...when they tell you " wakat zaya na karoo...wakat hath se chala jayee to phir wapis nahi ata...wakat ka faaeda uthaaoo....parhaee karoo...than they are VERY RIGHT! and if they go ahead and engage you to some cousin of your back in pakistan who well likes to drink "lassi" and who does not mind getting her hand dirty in bufflo's stool than that is very wrong...they should not sell us out on basis of family relations.


    Jaawan

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    Till next time***Keep_It_Simple_Stupid***©

    Comment


      #3
      know what a1maxy?
      i've been wondering about your question for the longgesstt time -- ever since i was 7. and it's been bout 12 yrs. from then.

      i think i wanna hear what the Wiser members of Gupshup will answer to "Are Parents Right?" They have gone through the Growing up experience. They've also realized later of the choices their parents chose were right or not. So i wanna see what their point of view is.

      my point of view, i think, can be considered as BS -- cuz there isn't much YET that has happened where my life's decision were in their hands. basically. same as Jaawan -- i'm not going to pay much attention to what he has to say...cuz he's Jaawan! like young -- so he's almost in the same place as i am.

      but so far....i think parents know best...right? i have my trust in them....why shouldn't i...??

      Comment


        #4
        Well I think that parents r people also. They r not some supernatural power, therefore, they can be wrong just like their children can be wrong. However, wise parents are those who admit their mistake and try to correct themselves just like they teach their kids to do.

        Mostly in Pakistani society, parents tend to think that it is very bad, if they admit to their mistakes but wise are the ones who think elsewise. As far as marriage is concerned, I think as Islam says that a parent must ask the consent of the kid, when they pick out a match for their kid. And I so totally agree with that all the way. Simply cuz it's the kid who has to put up with the spouse in the long run..let it be good or bad.

        Comment


          #5
          I guess, you all know the importance of Parents in the view of Islam. As according to the question, my point! Parents are always right. They are never wrong. You will see when you yourself will be a parent! See, they have gone through your age and they are much experienced than you are! They know well what you need and what you dont.
          As the marriage is concerned, the main reason it doesnt work out is the misunderstanding between the two individuals. Why blame your parents If you dont have understanding between you yourself and your spouse. I dont understand people thinkings. Because you are responsible for this entanglement that you yourself has created. It is you, who agrees when your Parents(keeping the Islamic point of view) ask you whether you want to marry her/he or no. And in quotes, who agrees. Your parents dont force you to marry. Some of them do and that is wrong in all aspects; then it is a different perspective. So, why you blame your parents that they were wrong, they should havent done this, because of them I am going through these circumstances, etc. Hmm, I dont see any point.
          But again, everyone has their own views and attitudes. And for Jawaan Sir, Maxy didnt mention anything about the "cousin or relatives" or did he/she ???
          For the RareDiamonds.. what are you trying to pull out over here, Sir/Ma'am. Pakistani Society, match for kids.

          Taura !!!

          P.S. The word "you" in generalized. No offences!!!

          ------------------
          Get a load of me !!!
          "Genius without Education is like Silver in the Mine."

          [This message has been edited by Casper The Clever Pagla (edited April 23, 2000).]

          Comment


            #6
            Salaams All,

            Well this situation I beleive is faced by the majority of Pakistani muslims residing in the U.K.

            I for one shall be facing it very soon whilst visiting Pak/Islamabad in June after a good 5 years, now I know that for me there might be a possibily for me to see a few prospective rishta's, honestly speaking i don't mind at all, being born in the U.K. I have always kept in touch with who I am and not forgetting my roots. I trust my parents enough that they will make the right decison for me and personally wouldn't mind at all even if I stayed in Pak for good.

            Why should the culture be different from the one your living at the moment unless youve gone over board with the gora stylee in the U.K. there are many families who have kept a balance.

            On the other hand I feel that it is definately wrong for parents to get you married to a person who doesn't have the same thinking as you i.e. kabhi kabhi yeh bhi hota hai keh larka/larki is educated and then gets wed to a dehati which is totally wrong and very few marraiges like that have worked.

            Education plays a great part in this, and not all paki guys drink lassi
            and like getting dirty in buffalo stool!! maybe a few paki born people can give their input!

            Baki Later!!!
            Allah-Hafiz

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            "Don't mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life."

            [This message has been edited by Noshi (edited April 23, 2000).]

            Comment


              #7
              Hmm...
              Parents parents parents.
              What can I say. If everything goes the Islamic way, there shouldn't be any complications. However, if the parents are forcing their will upon their kids, that's totally wrong. But I guess most the time parents know what they are doing so the children should try to understand their parents' point of view and try to be more compromising.

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              Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing all my life!

              Comment


                #8
                hmmmm lets c.
                in my opinion (which is base on some bad experiences) parents r always rite. it doesn't matter wat they r saying or how bad it looks like.
                they have this GOD gifted power that wat ever they say always comes out rite. so from my experience of last 18 years i have learn this dat parents are always rite.


                as far as marraige is concern for me it will easier for me to get married according to my parents wishes because if it doesnot works out there is someone to blame.

                and trust me guys it really feeel good when there is someone to blame on

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by nick:

                  they have this GOD gifted power that wat ever they say always comes out rite. so from my experience of last 18 years i have learn this dat parents are always rite.
                  know what...i think it is some sort of gift Allah gives them.....call it: a Parental Intuition.

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                  Somethings in life that once ever change.....there's the smell of the rusted chain.....did my crying - out in the pouring rain...

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Casper the Clever Pagla....I am not trying to pull anything here or anywhere else. If you have trouble understanding english or someone's point of view, there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it. That's a problem only you can fix. All I was saying is yes most of the time parents know best cuz Allah has given them this thing called INTUITION, but in case if they are wrong then there's no shame in admitting. With all due respect to my parents and everyone else's even according to Islam when it comes down to the issue of marriage the parents have to ask their kids...for their consent. That's Allah's orders...wether you like it or not!!!

                    Till next time peace...

                    Comment


                      #11
                      People do we have some Misunderstood people in here or what...

                      Casper The Clever Pagla...read my reply again please with open mind and tell me WHAT do i mean..what was i trying to say...IF they act and make you marry your cousins than they are not right...his SUBJECT question is "are parents right" now what part of my reply or his reply dont you understand? READ BOTH OF THEM AGAIN! if you dont understand what i wrote in urdu than sorry i cant help you...just tell me that you dont understand that...dont misunderstand me.
                      BTW..what HUM SA said is somewhat like what i meant.

                      Jaawan

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                      Till next time***Keep_It_Simple_Stupid***©

                      [This message has been edited by Jaawan (edited April 23, 2000).]

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Desi Parents are just like parents of any other culture. Parenting is not easy, and there is no one right way. Each situation demands different approach. I personally think that parents who are concerned about their kids are much better than those who are not. Parents are a blessing.

                        Forced marriages in our culture are just a product of our society. It has little to do with “parenting” and more to do with cultural paragon. Parents to put their kids in these conditions don’t view themselves as someone forcing their will on their children. To them it is “normal”.

                        It is a very sensitive and tricky area. Obviously there are instances where such matches end up in unpleasant experiences, but the blame does not lay solely on the parents for such misfortunes. The fact that you are all willing to discuss this openly is only a result of your parents giving you some self-confidence to challenge their views. Go ask a person your age living in a remote village in Pakistan and see how s/he feels. You should be thankful for your parents for standing up to their beliefs.

                        If you want real and positive changes, try to do things with your kids that you complained your parents didn’t do for you.

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