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    Me and my friend Jerry sitting in a caffetaria...
    So, Ahmad(my last name)when is your father coming?
    ME next month.
    Jerry- Are you excited?
    Me- Ofcourse I am.
    Me- so where is your dad? where does he work/
    Jerry- I do not know?
    Me- What do you meam you do not know?
    Jerry- he left us,(me,my younger brother and mom) when I was 2- years old, and never came back no phone, no call, no contact, nothing.
    But that is ok,I am cool, hey look at me now I am 28, married a nice girl have my three daughters, working full time, living by myself, I do not need him anyway, I did this all without him and I can go on with him. You will see I will give all my love to my kids I will be there for them always.I will never be my like my father, I will never abandon my kids.

    I do not know man, how come he does not want me man?
    ( and he had tears in his eyes, I put my arm around him try to consolidate him, this is the least I can do for him, though I can not change anything)

    This is just one


    Beauty Lies In The Eyes Of The BeerHolder


      #3 well well well...thats ameriiican culture kids...wait 5 to 10 more years we ll see same **** happening in our communities oh it will happen...dood main jub zehar daloo to aistaa aishtaa pehlta hia wo...bass american culture ko be time chaheye pahlney ke leye ITS COMING! Funny thing about it is that first they make illegitmate(illegal, ******, najayizzz) kids and than leave them(this is not pointing on to NO ONE, just making a general statment)...a girl is 12 years old and she has a kid or is pregnant..and than they criticize US the easterners and muslims and sub-continental people that they marry thire daughters when they are 15, 16..and wont stop to think that they have a worst problem which is that thire own parents leave thire kids and thire own daughters get pregnant at 12, 13 years of age how sad and stupid it is..


      Till next time***Keep_It_Simple_Stupid***©


        american culture???? my (dear)ex-hubby - AKA: sharif admi from pak - has done the same - and yes, his kids wonder the same thing (so do I)... this is the 'good muslim' from pak my parents chose for me to keep me safe from the evil western society?

        I don't think stupidity and immaturity is a hallmark of only one particular culture...


          Aunti G

          I agree with you, I have seen it happen so many times - in all cultures, all religions, all social groups... It always hurts and I only pray that when it happens the result will be a person like your friend Jerry who vows not to let it happen to his kids.

          I have a friend whose mother abandoned her at 2 months and her father died when she was 4. She was brought up by her grandmother and Aunt. The birth of her daughter has brought out a terrible depression that the psychologist says is due to "early childhood trauma" - I'm not surprised!


            Teenage pregnancy has somewhat leveled after a rise in the early 90ís. To bring it down, schools should distribute free condoms and other alternatives to birth control.

            To make Men more responsible who abandon their kids require legislative initiatives. They should forcibly be made to pay their share of responsibility, monetary and emotional. Here in the USA, only a handful of States have such laws. A lot more needs to be done.

            In some cases it is better to raise a kid without a Dad who can be described as a Jerk at best (sorry, I donít mean it to be offensive). I donít hate anymore more than men (and women) who bring Kids to this world and disappear for someone else to look after them. No sight is as sorrowful as seeing an abandoned child.


              So true AuntieiG, all we see are the faults of others, without looking into our own closets for skeletons we hide there. Sorry about your hubby (ex)...... well you know what they say "sh*t happens...but life goes on"
              I'm sure there is someone out there who will care for you you more, if not you've got your kids and they have you.

              "dont pin it on me"


                There was a time when this sort of discussion would have taken the "let's bash western society" turn and kept on building steam. Today, after reading the responses I'm really pleased to see the growth that has happened in our society....even if this group may represent an isolated portion of it.

                Yes, it's true. A spouse leaving inspite of his/her responsibility towards his/her offspring is not uncommon in any society. Now that we've established that...let's move on to discuss other parts of the equation.

                What impact does this have on the children?

                What can the parent that's left with the responsibility alone do to help the children deal with the situation?

                What can the parents left behind do to help themselves?

                Any thoughts?


                  Though this kind of thing has never happened to me but I had seen enough of it as a young kid to come to a decision of never getting into a lasting relationship.


                    MuznaG, excellent question, but extremely hard to answer. One has to realize that every situation is different and every person is different. Even among my kids i had a lot of differences in how they chose to deal with their child outright doesn't ever want to think about the missing dad, another doesn't like talking about it...etc.

                    i had to do a lot of learning the hard way, so to speak. The 4 C's came in very handy: caring, compassion, communication and counseling...for everyone...because like it or not, it raises a lot of issues that have to be dealt with rather than fester and be allowed to affect future relationships.

                    although one doesn't like to bring up (bad) memories, it has been really important for me to let my kids know that they were not to blame in any way, shape or form. I can only thank god for placing me in a field where i have been made aware of the importance of dealing with issues, i have seen so many among my friends who tried to act like it was no big deal, or that 'sab kuch teekh ho ga' or my all time favorite: 'just don't think about all that stuff and everything will be fine'

                    there really is no easy answer, but it is high time we as a community reach out to others in such situations and provide the support that they need at times like that. people need to be willing to provide good role models or just spend time with kids if necessary. This is so important with moms who are raising boys...who do those boys turn to if they have no one in their mom's families...or the same for girls being raised by fathers...there are always things friends can do if they truly want to meals are not the only way to help, more often it is the little things that count.

                    sharing the responsibility of parenting, and then suddenly being shouldered with the entire responsibility can be extremely overwhelming. I guess the first step is just realizing how big a responsibility that is for that parent, and then perhaps we can provide some necessary support as a community.


                      well if kid is not talking about or do not want to talk about dad or mom who left him/ her, is just because it hurts so much and you can not do anything about it, avoidance is not a solution in this situation. "These kids do not think about their parent"- I personally do not buy that, there is no way they can do that. Because everywhere they hear and see father and mother, if father is missing they think where is my dad, if mom is missing they think where is my mom. So, to say that they do not want to talk about it does not mean they do not miss them, there is a big whole in their life which cannot be filled just by avoidance.
                      There is a family next door in my apartment complex, the girl is white she was married to a Mexican dude who left her with one daugter. He had drinking problem and likes to fool around. Now here is she with a 6 year old, daughter working 2 jobs looking for somebody who can support her and her daughter. Her daughter is so cute girl,it hurts just by looking at her and I think how can somebody can leave a child like that. You should look the looks at her face when she looks other kids with their father.
                      Before we try to fix this problem (the mess) we should look for the reason which is creating this problem.
                      I understand if one or both parents die, but what I do not understand is the reason which forces parent/s leave their kids. What is the excuse?


                      [This message has been edited by SSultan (edited February 16, 2000).]