women often criticized for shopping sprees, petty jealousies

[zaraatif]

Some people say that women focus too much on clothes, makeup, shopping, etc. They don't care about social issues or the greater good, just about having a nicer sari than the neighbor, or a more beautiful house…

First of all, do you think this is sometimes true? Second of all, if it is true, why does it happen? In my opinion it sometimes happens because many women are not involved in anything outside the home and they are very bored. Household tasks are not so time-consuming any more, and they do not involve a lot of brain activity. Women who do not have outlets outside the home can become stir-crazy and involved with petty jealousies and petty rivalries.

Also, for their whole lives, women have been told that the most important thing for them is to be beautiful and to keep a good home. They may become less "marriageable" the more educated they are, and the more involved they are with things outside of their home and family. This is why they are fixated on their appearance and on purchasing things for the home. These are the only hobbies that are socially acceptable for them, and are their one form of entertainment. This is, of course, not the case with all women, but perhaps with some.

Any other ideas? Solutions? Dissenting opinions?

Zara

p.s. I also posted this in the paknews forum

[Hinna]

okay..you know..maybe some women/girls are like that...but I'm telling ya...the MAJORITY is not like that!!!

[zaraatif]

Hinna,

I agree with you, but this is a criticism that I often hear against Pakistani women in Pakistan and in the US. Just wanted to hear what other people think.

Zara

[NYAhmadiX]

Dear Zara,

You are mixing a lot of issues here. There is some validity to the statements you have made. Society tends to view women differently. The problems are a lot more severe in our society than they might be in the West. Women’s place in the household is an issue in both places; male chauvinistic cultures view women no more than a commodity. Pretty much everything is dictated by the male dominated societies (including women’s place in the society).

There is no truth in the saying that women running households requires any less intelligence than women working in the work market and holding professional careers. The feminist movement in the USA was in fact all about challenging such attitudes. Such movements have not made their way into our society yet, but some day they will. In our household, for example, my wife works part-time to keep a balance between childcare, volunteering at the PTAs, volunteering at our neighborhood public school, (on top of a job that requires extensive travel). At her job she conducts studies of national significance, and at home we both make sure that our kids know math, science, and social studies. Those who believe that running household and raising children do not require intelligence have never read a book to their kids in their entire life. Other household chores (cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping, etc.) are divided evenly amongst all family members. Such arrangements (working couples’ household) are more common in the west than in our society.

In terms of shopping to keep up with the Jones’s, it is not just a women thing, there are lots of men who fall into this trap. Wanting to look good is not a bad thing, it is a good thing. If one cannot learn to appreciate his or her own appearance, how can one expect from them to appreciate others’? To feel positive about oneself, what better way than to start with appearance. Being aware of yourself is a positive thing.

It is sickening when some people view women as less intelligent and capable. Be it for shopping, running households, or for whatever reason, every one is equally intelligent. Those who classify intelligence based upon gender are insecure about their own abilities. Women are as intelligent (if not more) and capable as a man. The only way to realize their full potential is to provide them with equal opportunity. It is happening in the West, and one day it will happen in our society also.

[zaraatif]

NYAhmadi,

As I said, I am repeating an argument which I have heard from men many times, including on this forum.

I agree with you almost one hundred percent. I think that women are just as capable as men, and sometimes moreso, in dealing with life's challenges. I am a kind of Pakistani feminist, if there is such a thing, so you don't need to convince me of anything in relation to women.

However, I do think that in traditional societies (such as Pakistani society) some women are restricted so much that their worldview and priorities are also restricted. They can become stir crazy and put too much attention on small things, since they don't have things outside themselves and their family to focus on. Yes, running a home is a lot of work, but there isn't always too much variety in it. I am not trying to devalue traditional "woman's work," but I am trying to focus in on women with restricted lives. Maybe I am all wrong in this, or stated it in a bad way, but I wanted to put it out for discussion.

If you don't think that this ever happens, I want to hear your views, if you do, what can be done to help.

Zara