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    How close would you get?

    Since the concept of dating is pretty much foreign in the desi community.....how does one determine the degree of involvement that is "okay"?

    If you are investigating a relationship for it's potential as a long-term one, what boundaries do you set?

    Do you go out to dinner? Movies? Alone or chaperoned? Do you have curfews? Do you hold hands?

    What are the protocols?


    #2

    You know what,dating has become a regular thing in Pakistan for the last 3-4 years in particular.If you go out to places like copper kettle,Ny cafe,etc you'll see lots of guys and girls between the 15-25 age group out on dates.It happens a lot,and you dont get people staring at you like crazy if you're out on a date with a girl anymore!
    Anyway,I think the most common thing people do is to go out for a drive and then to dinner or to a private screening of movies but not at cinemas because of the cheap crowds.I doubt whether anyone would go on a date with a chaperon because their parents are not going to allow them to go on the date in the first place!Everyone else may have gotten used to the idea of people going out on dates but definately not the parents,for obvious reasons of course.So the protocols remain the same,holding hands etc,but very few people go beyond that.At least not for the first few dates anyway.



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      #3
      since the concept is foriegn, and dating a taboo, determining the degree of involvment reminds me of a thief who'd promise himself he'd never steal more than a hundred gold coins. the story is long, and the moral unclear.


      One must ask the heart in such cases, for there are no such rules. one must first make sure he has set his limits. i'd probably write them down on a piece of paper and make sure i never break them. Whatever limits one sets, one must be confident of them when they have been set. being double minded in such cases is to call for disaster.


      for females, i have studied that the following factors determine the degree of involvment

      - the degree of sexual desire ( well, sorry but thats true )
      - the type and intensity of attraction
      - the emotional background ( especially any past relationships or those of friends )
      - the family values ( even if not respected by the individual)
      - the religious beleifs (the independant ones of the individual)

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        #4
        dear hollywood,

        it usually seems that people dont go any far than holding hands, but my opinion differs. because many of the young men and women i have seen do it within the first few dates. you're probably right about how it is in lahore. here in my town things are quite different.


        with ofcourse an unofficial survey carried out for a wbsite, we found out that atleast 60%, of the girls above fifteen are not virgins, and we must include some who hide the fact. but i must mention that this holds valid only for pakistani girls on the net.

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          #5
          the simple answer is everything depends on you. )) , hollywood. i agree with you that dating in pakistan has becomea regular thing....


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          galti maaf
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            #6
            I am glad to hear that young men and women Pakistan have started dating. I think it is about time that the muslims over the world discard some their outdated gender related beliefs. It will help them move into the 21sth century.

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              #7
              dating...it's wrong when you really think about it. Fine...it's becoming more accepted in Pakistan...but that is sad. Living in an islamic country being muslims it is un acceptable to date! it is very against islam. islam discourages direct contact between men and women and all of the sudden dating? that's out of the question. sure everyone wants a companion. but in islam u have to wait for that person, and that is your spouse. this way many problems will never even occur!

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                #8
                my mommy says dating is wrong. . .hehehe. . .i'd never marry a girl who dates. Nor do I personally care aout people (Desi) who go out on dates. . .

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                  #9
                  Hi

                  If you look at it the Islamic way the dating has no place in Islam, but if your more westernized then a Muslim you can say its ok, well then you will have to agree on other things that happen along the way of dating if you know what i mean?!

                  Jaawan

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                    #10
                    Hear Hear Reagan, I agree with you. Couldn't have said it better myself.

                    To SADIA, who says Islam discourages contact between men and women. This is all a myth that Pakistanis are brought up with. This is just something the mullahs and the parents tell their children to avoid dealing with the whole thing.

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                      #11
                      aahmed
                      i dont think so...try reading the quran and hadiths...and pls explain to me then with valid proof

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                        #12
                        Its funny how every other topic on GupShup has to do with dating, sex and infidelity etc
                        Does our young generation have better things to consider than fall in love (one way) and become sentimental heroes of Indian movies. Dating and having relationships etc all may seem to be appropriate but only after beoming successful in life- lets achieve something like education and secure careers etc.

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