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How should we mourn?

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    How should we mourn?

    Is there a mourning period that people should go through?
    Are there things that one should avoid…. and if we do…who decides?


    Ur enquiry is too abstract. Be more specific.


      i think u post it in religious forum also so that u get religious perspective.


        sorry zz i'd rather not...i'm familiar with the basics of religious issues is more what i wish to hear about.

        Sorry fata morgana....maybe this explains it....
        Recently, in our community the father of a soon to be bride passed away. The father died after a long battle with cancer … the death was expected….and he had been brought home for 24/7 hospice care for over a month. His daughter will be getting married in 3 weeks…..and wants a big traditional wedding…so much so she was planning the mehndi (i.e. song and dance) the day after the funeral…while people were at her house giving condolence.

        I hate to sound like an aunty here…but it just feels wrong….but that is me (and the rest of the community). There are certain social rules about how things should be done or what is acceptable after a death...what are they and who makes them up?

        [This message has been edited by kashmirigirl (edited June 27, 1999).]



          well, i dont know who decides on how long a mourning period should be or what one should or shouldnt do during this time, except of course what islam says but as u said you dont want to hear about that here.

          anyway, i will say that if it was me, i could not continue like the woman you mentioned. i know i would have to wait atleast a month if not two or three or four... but i guess different people are different. i think community members would also like some time to show their condolences. cause it almost seems as if you havent acknowledged the loss if you start everything up right away. that is not to say this woman isnt very sad or depressed, cause im sure she is. different people handle things differently i guess.

          Learn to love yourself, then learn to love one-another

          [This message has been edited by Munni (edited June 28, 1999).]
          "O man! What has seduced thee from thy Lord Most Beneficent?" - Quran 82:6

          Sponsor and choose an orphan at alyateem dot com



            In that situation I would have postponed the marriage for sometime.

            This particular case looks an exception to me because normally it does not happen.


              Dear Kashmirigirl,

              Life should be celebrated and not mourned. When I die, I would like “Miles Davis” be played on my funeral (or whatever arrangement there might be). Life must go on. I am sure the Father will be happier knowing that his daughter is all about and going through life, as if he were alive. Loss is always there and one will always be missed, but why mourn? Why not just accept it and get on.


                Kasmirigirl : It just depends how one feels about the person that passed away. I certainly would hesitate to pass judgement on the girl that is planning her mehndi etc,. Maybe it was her fathers' wish to carry on with the ceremonies even when he passed away. There could be many other reasons why she is doing what she is doing.

                Later on


                  My friend's mother passed away when we were 13 years old. From day one, the hospital provided counselors. While they were trying to save her life, they educated the entire family about the reality of cancer. When her health was failing and she was given only 90 days max to live, the counseling was more intensive. My friend was able to engage in conversations with her mother that she might not have--had she not known of her illness. The counselors were sort of directing and helping the mother give my friend the words that she needed to carry on after her death. After this lady died, my friend was sad, but able to carry on with her life.

                  All I am suggesting, is that this person was well prepared for her father's death. She is luckier than most people in this world who do not know when their loved ones are passing and wish they could say 'goodbye' *or* 'see ya later!'