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What do you think of arranged marriages?

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    What do you think of arranged marriages?

    This is a major part of our culture and a major part of our lives. My input I don't know. Most arrangted marriages that I have seen the couple are unhappy with each other. On the other hand I have seen many love marriages that end up in divorce but it could be that it was not realy love. I guess you should leave this up to God.

    #2
    I hope to have one someday, Insha'Allah.

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      #3
      Arranged marriage...hmm. It depends from person to person. With a person like me, I wud definitly take the what u call "love marriage". (no i don't mean having a chakkar and dance sing around the trees in the park and then get married). What i mean is that if i'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone, i shud know that someone very well, meaning, I shud be aware of what they are like.
      I don't think i'll be able to cope with a person whom i've not known very well before marriage and besides, parents don't always make the right decision.

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        #4
        HSHTSA...adab..the arrange marriage in olden days was really very dangerous,but now a day there is arrange marriage,but the parents themself allow the girl and boy to talk to each other,the parents come to girls house with the boy,they all sit and talk to each other,then the girls mother ask the girl to server tea and mithai wagara,and the boy see the girl,then they go to the kitchen with her friends and the boys is asked to go and sit with the kids and they talk and exchange views,and it goes from there..I am just saying this,because my friend just got married ,and this is how it got arranged.I think it is avery good idea to do this type of arrange marriage,not a blind shot....My friend got married about 4 months ago,and mashallah they are happy.

        dil..dilseeee

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          #5
          Point of fact, Arranged Marriges do work !!

          Another point of fact,So do love marriges !!

          A third point of fact, both can flop too !!

          I think the working or not working of a marrige depends of the two ppl involved (if you marry two ppl who hate each other, I would say that has makings of a flop marrige) and the time and circumstances. I mean back in the old days, divorce was considered this horrible disgrace and the divorcees were treated rather shabbily (not that its not so today but the ppl have gotten more leniant) so the couple usually decided, hey we gotta put up with each other for the rest of our lives so why not just like one another. Today, because of liberalism and social changes, the concept of divorce isn't as far out as it used to be, so if a couple gets married and decide after a while that it isn't working, they can just say, hey this is a flop so adios.

          Also way back when, interaction between guyz and galz wasn't that frequent, open and taken as lightly so chances of falling in love with someone were next to nill (except of course to a cousin or someone in the family). While today, well letz just say we have come a long way since then.

          Now if I would personally go for a love marrige or arranged marrige. Not sure, I mean if its a guy I can live with, who is cute according to my standards, whose eyes I don't want to scratch out and who has an element of the same interests as me, plus being nice, sweet, humorous and all the other things I look for in guyz, I may go for the arranged marrige. And the best part is that if something goes wrong (god forbid) I can blame someone else

          Ciao

          P.S. Olivebranch and HSHTSA, good luck !!!

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            #6
            i like this topic. ive talked about it with my girlfriends many times. i kinda agree with nisha. it can go both ways. ive seen great arranged marriages and then ive seen flops. ive even seen guys dead against arranged marriage and then they had one themself!!! and its going on fine. love marriage is so common nowadays. but our culture and religion doesnt allow it to happen openly. anyway to me love and commitment go hand in hand, whether that be arranged or love marriage. i will go for an arranged marriage myself just cause i dont like the idea of dating or going behind my parents back cause they would KILL ME otherwise.


            "O man! What has seduced thee from thy Lord Most Beneficent?" - Quran 82:6

            Sponsor and choose an orphan at alyateem dot com

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              #7
              Hmmm....as far as i know my parents, they won't make a good decision

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                #8
                Ok, let me tell you the truth.

                .....Family structure & the status of women..

                Pakistan's real social chemistry is within the family. Not caste, race, clout or wealth but family and clan are dominant factors in a whole range of social commitments - eg personal and political loyalties, whom to marry, where to live - and not only in the fortified tribal societies of Baluchistan and NWFP. The plain walls around a family compound dont give a clue to the warmth and strength inside, and it's a lucky visitor who's invited in.
                Pakistan society is strongly patriarchal, only partly because it's islamic. Women are simultaneously lowly and precious - meant to be mothers and housekeepers, yet to be protected even with one's life. In traditional Muslim families, women past the age of puberty "observe purdah", ie they're kept away from all men outside the immediate family. To the extent that the family can afford not to have them working, they're kept at home. When they do go out they're veiled - often covered from head to toe in the tent-like burqah.
                The ideal maariage (arranged, usually in the early teens) was traditionally between first cousins on the father's side - as close to "all in the family" as possible! When she marries, a woman joins her husbands's family, and in a country where extended families often live under a singel roof, that may mean living with them, usually as a second-class member. She is also burdened with a dowry system that can bankrupt her own family (and incidentally makes girl children less welcome than boy-children).

                So tell me guys, do you really want to be second member in your own house. I better suggest go and find your own "girl" to get married.

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                  #9
                  HSHTSA..salam wala kum....well parents always make good decision for there sons and daughters,because they can never see there son/daughter suffer,I dont have one ,but I know what they are..have faith on your parents.
                  allah hafiz


                  dil..dilseee

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                    #10
                    The best marriages are where the boy and girl "arrange" it for themselves. In Punjab, it is called "Munday day Nal Nass Gai Ay" [translation: she ran away with the boy]. It is never said that the Boy ran away with Girl, but it is always the Girl who runs away with the Boy. It is encouraging, that at least some female action is acknowledged in our society.

                    I have participated in many such ceremonies. Where we had to go and find a "Molvee" who would read the Nikkah. All those marriages are strong and still going. In most cases, the parents of both sides have accepted the couples, in some, they have not.

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                      #11
                      Well I agree with everyone who has replied to the arranged marriages. They may work and they may not. The only reason they don't go into a divorce is mainly because it is looked down upon in our Pakistani society. For the girl, it is the worst thing that can happen in her life so she does everything possible to make her husband happy. And then the problem is there really isn't a relationship between her husband and her. The relationship is I keep you happy and you keep me at your house. I also don't agree with love marriages. I don't think people should go around dating other people. People then get into bad habits and what they think is love might not be love and they might regret they ever made such a mistake. Therefore, my only conclusion to this marriage thing is that I think the girl and guy should get to know each other as friends and if they think they are compatible with each other and that they are made for each other then they should just arrange the marriage. This saves all the fooling around that is done with couples and the feeling of each others presence is present then. Now the only problem with this idea is that in our society girls are kind of forbidden to tlak to guys. I think that they should be given a little more freedom in that aspect.

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                        #12
                        Well, what can I say that you haven't already read? This guy above me makes the most sense.

                        Marriages, whether arranged or love, can go very well or not so good. If 2 people are arranged to be married and they are miserable together, they feel obligated to stay together because of the parents. That is NOT healthy. Many people don't suffer immediately but down the line, these people are known to go through nervous breakdowns and other mental problems. If they try to get out of it, the parents either try to mediate or disown their kids, ridiculous.

                        On the other hand, love marriages can go belly up too... but in their cases, the parents say things like "Mein naa kehta thaa?" I told you so.

                        I guess it all boils down to compatibility, understanding, level of intellect and education. Love is nothing but lust hiding behind all the above stuff.

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                          #13
                          ok ok..i just realized..

                          i'm moving this to married life...hope you all will continue the discussion there...thanks

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