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Pak vs Auss - Controversy or is it? hahaha

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    Pak vs Auss - Controversy or is it? hahaha

    Controversy at Headingley
    -------------------------

    LEEDS (May 23): The ball-tampering controversy again reared its ugly head in
    the international cricket arena following Australia's defeat at the hands of
    Pakistan today. An unidentifiable spokesperson for the Australian team
    complained bitterly that, following the early dismissal of three top order
    Pakistani batsmen for 42, Inzimam-ul-Haq and Abdul Razzaq deliberately and
    systematically fashioned their strokes to rough up opposing quadrants of
    the ball. This apparently resulted in cancelling all spin imparted to the
    ball by Shane Warne --- the former legspinner, now best known as a
    journalist writing about Sri Lankan affairs. ``This is intolerable'', said
    the spokesperson, ``Rule 17-z (Section CVII) explicitly requires that
    batsmen hit all quadrants of the ball with equal probability, the standard
    deviation not to exceed 3 strokes at any stage of the innings, and to be no
    more than 2 strokes until the end of the 25th over''. The spokesperson ---
    visibly distraught at this point --- claimed further that later Pakistani
    batsmen --- notably Moin Khan and Yousuf Youhana --- systematically
    eradicated evidence of this tampering by repeatedly hitting the ball on to
    the rough roof tiles of the surrounding buildings. ``Such brazen tactics
    cannot be allowed in this gentleman's game'', said the Australian
    spokesperson, ``Everyone knows that Glenn [McGrath] is the best bowler in
    the world, and hitting him out of the ground can have no purpose other than
    to obscure evidence of guilt.''

    Several other issues also came to a head during the match today. The
    Australian captain, Steve Waugh, accused Pakistani fast bowler Shoaib
    Akhtar of mispronouncing a popular vulgar epithet, complaining to Umpire
    Koertzen that such lax usage was an infringement of the Australian
    copyright on that particular term [Editor's note: We regret that the term
    in question cannot be reported in these pages because of this paper's wide
    circulation among the English team and other old ladies' groups.]

    Another controversy involved the allegation that several Pakistani players
    were involved in match fixing. Speaking from behind a stall door in the
    men's room at Headingley, the Australian captain claimed to have
    incontrovertible proof that the Pakistanis had conspired with bookies to
    win all of their matches in this World Cup. ``That just goes against all
    rules of fairplay'', said the Austraian skipper, who is said to be
    considering the possibility of swapping first names with his twin brother
    in order to improve his average. Speaking on the assumption of anonymity,
    he bitterly
    criticised the Pakistanis' strategy of pre-determining the results of all
    matches in their favor. ``Cricket is supposed to be a game of glorious
    uncertainties'', he said, ``Tell me, where is the glory or the uncertainty
    in the approach these Pakistanis are taking? By playing all these genuine
    all-rounders, they are killing the game. In Australia, we still play by
    the old rules: Batsmen bat and bowlers bowl, and no one encroaches on the
    other's territory. Why, even our wicket-keeper has agreed to put off
    batting until he is replaced behind the stumps by someone more
    competent.''


    The Australian captain claimed that his information on match-fixing came
    from a very reliable source --- two of his team-mates who were known to be
    close associates of a Hong Kong gambling syndicate.


    Finally, in a fourth flare-up, the Australian team has demanded that, in
    the future, any opposing bowler who soils his uniform by falling or diving
    in the field be required to change it immediately. ``With the black
    sightscreen, it becomes very difficult to see the bowler if he has dark
    patches of dirt all over his shirt'', said a nameless Australian batsman,
    ``We have developed a method of reading the ball from the bowler's posture,
    and that is tough when you're distracted by dirt.'' As part of this crusade,
    the Australian team management has demanded that the West Indian team's dark
    maroon uniforms be replaced by those of a lighter colour. ``We should be
    able to see the bowler, not just the ball'', explained a very senior
    official. Australia play the West Indies on May 31.
    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he is gone.

    #2
    whine whine whine...
    losers!!
    becharey bachey loag!
    For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining - and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction - Khalil Gibran

    Comment


      #3
      Umar yaaaaaar
      this whole article is supposed to be a joke. kakay u took it seriously.

      ab mein ki karaaan.
      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he is gone.

      Comment


        #4
        Tey mey kee keya hai!! heiN??

        Fraudiey yaar, tuu weeN buss...

        agarr aisey qissey sach muuch honey laggey tow reh gayee cricket!
        For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining - and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction - Khalil Gibran

        Comment


          #5
          actually the real reason they changed the ball was that they thought if it started to look like an oversized ladoo inzie wouldn't drop it next time

          WWW

          Comment


            #6
            A good one Fraudia(ai)..!!!!!!!

            Comment


              #7
              Whenever the opposing team cannot see the ball bowled by Pakistani fast bowlers they shout ' cheating cheating. they are bowling too fast maybe the ball has some built in rockets'. This gori chamri has some problem which the Asians have to take care of. Let's see what happens.

              Hamid

              Comment


                #8
                Aussies are just *routoos* ...

                Comment

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