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Desi manners in a western world

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    Desi manners in a western world

    A friend was just telling my how culturally insensitive her children are, and how hard it is to teach them certain things when they have grown up abroad.

    The first case was where her son scolded her for insisting on feeding his friend when he came to see them. "He told you no, Mom, and he wasn't being polite".

    The second was with regard to his sister's wedding invitation: why did you put my name on HER wedding invitation? (as in "with compliments of") I can't even be there!

    I am sure that we have all had numerous other experiences of this type.

    #2
    NO offence & I am not starting a new debate here, but thats why they are called, ABCDs, CBCDs, BBCDs ..... XXCDs.

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      #3
      Are these 'desi' manners only? Do they sound 'polite' when a gora talks in that manner?

      Regardless of the way westerners are brought up, such speech is irresponsible and rude coming from a kid to his parent, period. I dont think we can exclusively tie it to desis.

      I have to put the major share of the blame on the parents.....since most parents, when their kids are young, feel it to be cool and hip to have their kids act 'american', especially when they visit their folks back home. But when the same attitude takes maturity and takes a totally different shape, the reality hits the parents square in the head.
      There are gora families too whose kids are absolutely polite and a pleasure to talk to. So its not a 'western' trait that these desi kids pick up. Its just a mixed attitude from their parents that gives the kids mixed signals about what direction they are supposed to grow in.

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        #4
        The first case was where her son scolded her for insisting on feeding his friend when he came to see them. "He told you no, Mom, and he wasn't being polite".

        In this instance i guess the son is right, mother should respect his friend and not force food on him.

        I hate when people force food on me..this is one desi trait that i find hard to swallow.

        Kind of respect Shirin is talking about existed long time ago. Living in democratic atmostphere children are encouraged to think and this is the result of trying to form their own personalities and opinions. I am sure people living under religious or political dictatorship, where they are discourage from thinking and questioning will behave differently in their everyday life and home life, will easily give in to partental power.



        [This message has been edited by Rani (edited June 22, 2001).]

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          #5
          I hate when people force food on me..this is one desi trait that i find hard to swallow.
          Hehehe, kinda like the time me 'n my sisters drank six glasses of sunny-D on Eid. No it wasn't at the same house, I guess it was just really in 'vogue' or something *makes a face* and everyone was offering/forcing it on us that day

          But I think, the reason why they insist so much, is out of reaction to the other desi act of refusing out of politeness, not wanting to impose on people,etc.. And also, maybe i'm way off, but maybe it has something to do with showing their generosity/willingness to give.

          I admit that at times it can seem a little too much, I mean sometimes we even joke about how we have to fast the whole day before going to visit a certain aunty's house; but we have to take into account that they didn't grow up in the same environment as us. They grew up with a strong sense of hospitality and willingness to go to utmost lengths for those in their care, and there's nothing wrong with that, its just different for us growing up/living here, but we have to be understanding of it, and we should appreciate it for what it is...genuine kindness, generosity and sincerity.


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