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    PoThohari weddings

    While reading someone's autobiography who grew up and lived in PoThohar area of Punjab before 1947 I came to know about this interesting wedding rasam. A day before the baraat of the groom has to go to marry the bride, the groom gets mad/naraaz/russ(fake ofcourse) with his family and goes to stay at his best friend's home. Then groom's family and relatives go to his friend's home singing wedding songs and doing the bhangra(traditional, not on Daler Mehndi) and groom's mother, aunts and other women of his family try to mannaa(persuade, make promises to please him) him and bring him back to his home. His best friend's family treats groom's relatives with mithaiee and other khatirdari. Kind of a small party.

    That rasam according to the writer(K.S. Duggal) was practiced by Muslim, Sikh and Hindus before the partition in poThohar area. I also heard that some poThohari Hindu and Sikh families who migrated to India in 1947 try to observe this rasam on their boy's weddings. Of course they are assimilating into the mainstream Punjabi and other Indian societies, depending upon where they live, and getting away from this rasam.

    My question is to all our PoThohari friends on this forum, is this rasam or some modified form of it still being practiced in poThohar, now a excluisvely muslim abaadi? What is the significance of this? Have they seen it being observed? if so can they explain in some more detail?

    My guess is may be long time ago one manchala poThowari, like our brother Pathwari, might have refused to marry the girl his family chose for him and he got mad and left home to stay with one of his best friends(say Roman). His family could not break the promise and went to his friends home to persuade him to marry the girl and in the process made some promises like we will buy you radio or bicycle or elastic wali nikkar etc(depending upon groom's age, in Pathwari's case a ticket to NY would have worked fine). They got married and their marriage really worked producing 7 sons who all served in King's army and do roshan the name of their kull(khandan). Then onwards people thought that getting naraaz thing really works for the good of the marriage and is a godo shagun so they all started doing it.

    #2
    We are from RawalPindi, and speak Pathwari (my spelling), so I suppose we are Pathwari.

    Mmmm....I have never heard of it, nor has it been done in any of our weddings.

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      #3
      actually I am kind of aware of it. Though I am not from the potohar but I have grown up in Rawalpindi. This rasam I think is called ghorolli. Where the groom's sisters and other women of the family fill up a matqa and go to the groom's friend's house to bring him back to there own house. To get ready for the marraige. In this Rasam the sister keeps a Ghoroli on her head breaks it when the groom gives her some money or a gift!

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        #4
        Yeah, I`ve seen the Gharoli bit done, but not the getting from friends house.

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          #5
          Iím not pathwari but we do this rasam, ourís a lil modified version though. If the groom doesnít have friends or if his friends canít afford a huge barat, groomís phopho, sister or cousins usually íinviteí him over. There are special songs for this rasam, in our village they sing on dhol beat in two groups, both groups sing the same song second time itís just repetition, I know a line or two I think. And then of course those baaileiN and stuff. GhaRoli is fun too, specially if itís filled with water fully decorated and youíre wearing lehnga But GhaRoli is usually a rasam on itís on.

          We also have a rasam called 'chattiyaaN' or something like that, anyone else seen or heard of it?

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            #6
            Thanks all.
            yeah K.S. Duggal, the writer that I mentioned above actually was born and grew up near Rawalpindi in a village called Dhamiyaal. I think Dhamiyaal is now part of Rawalpindi so Rawalpindians might knwo about Dhamiyal colony or neighbourhood.

            Sabah, I don't about chaaTiyaN...but we do Jaago with decorated chaaTi or gaagar with deewa on the top which women carry around the neighbourhood and sing songs, do kharood a day or two before the wedding.

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              #7
              The rasam u r talking about is not there in Pothohar.
              Gharoli is there but it has no connection with the above rasam. It is actually very common and is present all over pothohar.

              Chaatiyan is also there but is not that common and practiced only some parts of pothohar and also some other parts of punjab.

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                #8
                And yes Dhamial is a village near pindi and yes now it is part of Rawalpindi. But intrestingly native dhamiyalians when leaving for Sadar or other parts of Rawalpindi city still say, they r going to pindi shehr.

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                  #9
                  I think pathwari or NYAHMADI can give u an appropriate answer.

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                    #10
                    Chann Gee,
                    This custom is still practiced in (at least) our PoToHar area. I've seen it a couple of times. I'm not sure but I think it has nothing to do with the religion, its more a cultural aspect related to a specific region.
                    Its exactly like you described : the groom gets "naraaz" and goes to his friends place. His friends and other invited persons go to this place as well and try to convince him to come. His friend receives all his guests with Chai, Mithai etc. This all is done during the evening. As far as I know the groom doesn't stay the night at his friends place.
                    Since I left poToHar long ago I donít know the details. I'll ask my family and will tell u later.
                    Concerning Dhamiyaal, its like Lal Din said. Dhamiyaal is a part of Pindi. It used to be a part outside the city but is now integrated in the greater Rawalpindi. There's even a road called Dhamiyaal Road.

                    My guess is may be long time ago one manchala poThowari, like our brother Pathwari, might have refused to marry the girl his family chose for him

                    Correct, but not the girl part. There was no girl in sight yet.

                    and he got mad and left home to stay with one of his best friends(say Roman)

                    Stayed with him, but that was long after the "the mad days".

                    His family could not break the promise and went to his friends home to persuade him to marry the girl and in the process made some promises like we will buy you radio or bicycle or elastic wali nikkar etc(depending upon groom's age, in Pathwari's case a ticket to NY would have worked fine).

                    Yara, I would have been more happy with a sohNee Gee Sardarnee then a ticket to NY.

                    They got married and their marriage really worked producing 7 sons who all served in King's army and do roshan the name of their khandan.

                    Dawaa karya karo saDe waste Chann Gee

                    TussaN kade time kaDDo te men tussaN ke koi Pathwari beA (shadee) te gaRaN.
                    Doi bhra samme bawaN ge, kya geaal he?

                    [This message has been edited by pathwari (edited April 23, 2001).]

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                      #11
                      Thanks Lal Din and Pathwari bharawo.
                      Yaro this KS Duggal guy gave me a free sair through Rawalpindi and Dhamiyal. Now I need to go with pathwari and see the wedding in person.

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                        #12
                        Chann Ji!

                        remember i told you about Jaago! It looks like SOO much fun...I hope my sikh friend get married soon
                        Save Pakistan.

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                          #13
                          Chann yaar,
                          Roman is the next first candidate. How about a wedding PoToHar style for him.
                          We can do it in my pind. I'll take care of the facilities. Ho bout that?

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                            #14
                            pathwari yaar, tooN tay meray nal gal ee na kar. na koi ittar na koi pattar tay naa koi phone shone.

                            Holland jaa kay tuhada khoon chitta ho gaya ay.

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                              #15
                              Pathwari yaar koi poThoharan labh Roman lai....naalay ehdi kisay Lahoran toN jaan bach jayegi...suneya ay banday nu mian mithu bana laindeyaN ne.

                              saday wale paasay gall bani ay..kisay munday di sift karde kehan ge...bahut changa hunda si vichara te phir ehda viah lahore ho giya.

                              [This message has been edited by ChannMahi (edited April 23, 2001).]

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