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"Arranged marriages" in our over-rated concept.

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    "Arranged marriages" in our over-rated concept.

    The younger generation of Pakistan and India, or of Pakistani and Indian descent always seem to complain about how their parents are 'choosing' their potential spouses for them. But realistically speaking, is it all that bad as the kids make it out to be?

    To me, an arranged marriage is like a blind date. Parents will 'find' someone for their kids, but if the kid refuses, they wont force it. Except for rare cases, parents do not stuff a potential spouse down their kids throat. The force factor is usually found in tribal areas, or in families which take 'pride' in their cast or sect. That pride limits the choice for the kids, which is what leads to semi-forced, or forced marriages. But for the most part, that attitude seems to be devolving in Pakistan, and parents in particular, and families in general seem to be more accomodative of their kids wishes.

    Ia gree Akif Bhai... to much of a big deal! !
    Ihave a friend who cried her cute lil eyes out when she was engaged and all it took was a dozen roses on Eid and she is in love.

    After all you parents are wiser then you.
    Never have I seen a forced arranged marriage. Rather most of the times the kids and parents find a mid point.

    I am the product of an arranged marriage and my parents are as much in love as romeo and juliet, my uncle on the other hand is in a love marriage, he too is still in love... my marriage was arranged but we were given the oppurtunity to get to know each other with out being told of our parents' intentions. All of us are happy... mera kiyal hai key couples are made in heaven ...milna tho eik bahana hota hai.

    The GuPPeR ForMallY KnowN as MadaM MariA
    I have OCD: Obsessive Cullens Disorder
    Bite Me! -- Please
    I like running with scissors...makes me feel dangerous


      most of the desies have their marriages arranged by their parents. As for me, I am also going for an arranged one. Its really not that bad. My parents wanted me to get higher professional education, I said, okay no problem. Same goes for the marriage, when my parents said, this is the guy we think is good for you. My reply was, yes, anything you say. What I feel is, my parents have given me everything and made my every wish come true, so I should not argue about the little matters with my parents. Yes, its a matter of lifetime, shadi. But I have full confidence in my parents.

      [This message has been edited by Sadaf (edited January 30, 2001).]
      The best loved by God are those that are rich, yet have the humility of the poor, and those that are poor and have the magnanimity of the rich.

      Saadi Sherazi


        frankly, sometimes an "outsider" (someone besides urself) sees qualities in a person that u may not see... or sees the disadvantages of a person which u may not see b/c u are so in "love" with them. arranged marriages are good.. as long as they are not forced.. b/c then they become "forced" marriages.. which are not in Islam.

        hmm.. i'm still waiting for my "potential" prince-charming to walk towards my direction (my parent's direction actually)

        whoever that may be.



          I am okay for an arranged marriage as long i get to meet the person a few times before marriage...I need to communicate and see what qualities the other person possesses...yes more often then so arranged marriages work out very well...

          but Akif..about 2/3 of the population of pakistan is illiterate and arranged marriages are usually "stuffed down the throat"...what we hear of now is the change in mentality of the parents who are educated and progressing...but more often girls don't say anything out of fear and guilt of disobeying their parents...and the reasons stretch further...

          okay i hope that made sense
          Save Pakistan.


            most of the time arranged marriages go well, if not they have to be made to run well by socio-cultural factors as much as possible.
            Thats why i favor them, but as some one said above, its nice to give oppurtunity to involved parties come across each other a few times before marriage.

            No body is perfect in this world, we have to accept each other with thier good's as well as bad's one's.


              Well I don't mind if my parents introduce me to someone. I think what really bothers me is the way the whole thing is carried out.

              Going to someone's house to propose based on a picture. Then being interigated by someone's parents and having the girl only show up long enough to serve a cup of tea and then disappear. Go home. Everyone sits and discusses you based on ..what? Eventually they decide if they even want to speak to you again. It's worse then a job interview!

              This is what happened to a guy I know here in the US. His family and the one he eventually married into are not even religous!? He got dressed up like his mommy told him to and went through this so many times (and mean alot!). He was rejected by everyone.

              Poor guy had no self esteem to begin with so this did not help. Now I don't care about this... but it does seem like a very humiliating and degrading superficial experience based on what he told me. He said it was so obvious all they wanted to know is how much money he made ...nothing else mattered to them at all. I dunno.. he also fell in love with every girl that served him tea and was convinced each one was "the one".

              Even after he was engaged he still was not allowed to call her or talk to her freely.
              Talk about major hypocrisy considering both could go and talk to anybody else as much as they want without any objection from their parents. Anyways I was just using his case as an example.

              I like the idea of getting to know a girl and then asking her dad's permission and all that. However I cannot just go pick some face out of a crowd and tell my mom "I want that one".

              If you can not change it, get over it already!